Why did I (kind of) like Revenge?

September 22, 2011 at 10:30 am (Randomosity) (, , , )

ABC’s Revenge is a grand melodrama, not really the sort of thing I go for, except for that time I was out on medical leave and got addicted to All My Children. (Now let’s never speak of this again.) So I wasn’t really planning on watching it, until I kept hearing comparisons to The Count of Monte Cristo, which it turns out I’ve forgotten how to spell since reading it in college and had to google. I’m a tad embarrassed, but it’s my own fault, because you would never have known if I hadn’t told you.

I even watched the movie, but that was really mostly for Guy Pearce.

Moving right along, I love me some Dumas, so I thought, “Heck, why not, you know?” and sat down to watch Revenge.

You know ... I never saw this promo poster until AFTER I watched the show, which is good, because this is a really stupid poster.

The basic gist of the show is this: Emily Thorne used to be Amanda Something (I’m sorry; people kept coming by and being like: “Oooh, what’re you doing? Are you watching TV? Oh, it’s too bad you don’t have DVR so you could watch this when I’m not talking to you, isn’t it?” so I missed some key bits of information) and lived in the Hamptons with her wonderful best father ever. They had so much fun together in the flashbacks, I really felt like my childhood was missing something. Like love or something like that.

Eh, not that I'd've been much happier if I had taken childhood trips to the beach, because I hate the sea and everything in it.

Anyway, it’s all fun and games for little Amanda and her dad Whatsisname until the good people of the Hamptons frame him for an act of terrorism. Now this is one of the parts where someone started talking to me again, so I missed the details, but apparently he was accused of funding terrorists who caused a plane crash that killed 246 people. So of course I was thinking this happened around 2000, but apparently it was 1992? Little Amanda and her father are separated and she thinks he’s guilty until she gets out of … an orphanage? Kid prison? I couldn’t tell … and is given his secret journal, which says how he wasn’t guilty, and of course she believes that, even though I guess she wouldn’t have believed him if he told her so? Because being written down makes it true? Anyway, at the end of the journal, he’s all like (oh, by the way, he’s dead now): “Please forgive them. Blah blah blah forgiveness blah blah blah don’t take revenge blah forgive forgive FORGIVE!!!” and she’s all like: “None of that forgiveness crap for me,” so she dons a new identity and heads to the Hamptons to wreak all sorts of havoc.

Ha! That'll teach you jerks.

That was a really long synopsis, and I apologize for that.

Anyway, she’s in the Hamptons and her arch-nemesis is Madeleine! Stowe! who is so awesomely bitchtacular I want her to be my new best friend (and she’s in the market for one, since Step One of Emily’s Dastardly Plan of REVENGE!!!! was to take out her dad’s old secretary/Madeleine! Stowe!’s BFF through a convoluted plot that relied heavily on the woman having an affair with Madeleine! Stowe!’s husband).

Madeleine! Stowe! gonna hurt you.

Also, there’s this bit with a dog who recognizes Emily, and maybe his owner (her childhood friend) does too, and he’s totally a great guy because he was going to sail off on his boat, the Amanda (get it? Get it?), to Haiti to help with earthquake relief, but instead he sells his boat to help his dad *sniff* pay his debts so they can keep the family bar. So you can tell he’s being set up as the love interest, like, YAWN. Then there’s the guy who buys the boat, who is this creepy self-made trillionaire who videos everything at parties and creepily goes to Emily’s house to be all “I know what you did last summer, Amanda,” and she totally kicks his ass and threatens to crush his windpipe. And that is when I got a little bit of a girl crush on Emily VanCamp.

Plus, you guys, isn't she just soooo pretty?

So, yeah, I’m totally curious to find out what happens to the rest of these bad people and if (Spoiler alert!) the guy that was murdered in the credits really was Madeleine! Stowe!’s son (Emily’s fiance, apparently) and if Madeleine! Stowe! and Emily Van Camp will come to blows, because, my god, that would be the best cat fight ever.

Watch out, Emily! She'll cut you.


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