Remakes ahoy!

October 14, 2011 at 11:36 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

So I was busy complaining about The Thing remake, like, “God, why remake a classic when John Carpenter’s was so brilliant,” when I suddenly remembered: Hey, wait a minute, John Carpenter’s The Thing was a remake. (Of 1951’s The Thing from Another World, to be precise.) But then I looked it up and it looks like 1982’s The Thing was more like the creepy novella upon which both works were based, so everything is right with the world. Also, The Thing (2011) is supposed to be a prequel, but whatever, let’s all admit it’s just a remake with Kurt Russell as a girl instead.

Kurt Russell as a girl is surprisingly pretty.

Anyway, I don’t wanna see it. The Thing (1982) is one of my favorite movies ever, which, yeah, is kind of weird since I’m a little pants-wetting scaredy cat, but some nights I don’t want to sleep, you know? Besides, it’s got that guy’s head turning into a spider, so how could you possibly improve upon that?

You thought I was going to use a picture of the spider-head thing, but I actually DO want to sleep tonight, so please enjoy this harmless poster instead.

Also on tap for this weekend, remake-wise, is Footloose, which I was kind of curious about when they were thinking of casting Zac Efron, but now I don’t care.

See? He's much too tall to be Zac Efron.

Additionally, I never saw the original, so I don’t care even harder.

I feel like I SHOULD care about young Kevin Bacon, but I don't.

So there you go. Just watch the originals instead, except maybe not Footloose, because remember: it’s about dancing, not hideous space monsters killing Kurt Russell’s friends.

It'll be the most fun you've ever had wetting your pants in terror, I promise.

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