Sherlock Holmes vs. Sherlock Holmes

October 19, 2011 at 11:20 am (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , , )

It’s a battle of Sherlocks!

In one corner, we have the Benedict Cumberbatch Sherlock, who’s all lanky and sociopathic and grey-eyed and stuff!

And he's just so cute in a trench coat and scarf!

In another corner, we have Robert Downey Jr., who is not really any of those things, except for maybe the eyes, because I’ve never really looked at them closely.

Eh, still can't tell. Brown, maybe?

Which Sherlock will come out superior? Let’s get ready to rumble! (Or something.)

Physicality. Now, as I’ve noted before, repeatedly, Sherlock Holmes was never intended to be an attractive man. However, the world at large doesn’t want to watch movies or television shows about unattractive people, probably because they run into enough of them out in the world. So both Benedict Cumberbatch and Robert Downey Jr. are rather good looking. But Benedict Cumberbatch is my favorite, plus he looks more like a Sherlock Holmes to me, so he wins. Winner? Benedict Cumberbatch.

Gets into half-naked street fights? The BBC’s Sherlock has only done one season, which had no shirtless street fights and more’s the pity. From the trailers for Sherlock Holmes, it’s clear that there is at least one scene where Holmes isn’t wearing a top and is fighting. Probably in the street. Winner? Robert Downey Jr.

OK, so maybe it's a shirtless PIT fight. Close enough.

Has a better sidekick? Both Sherlock Holmes(es) have John Watson(s?) for a sidekick. One is Jude Law, who is a very pretty man. The other is Martin Freeman, who totally murders some jerk to save Holmes’ life, about 24 hours after meeting him. That’s some pretty badass sidekickery. Winner? Benedict Cumberbatch’s Holmes.

We're so lucky they found each other.

Leads a life filled with romance? Well, obviously Sherlock Holmes shouldn’t lead a life filled with romance because he hasn’t got time for that sort of thing. So Benedict Cumberbatch and the BBC are right. Huzzah for them! Stupid Guy Ritchie had to insert stupid Irene Adler into Holmes’ stupid (nonexistent) romantic life. Winner? Robert Downey Jr. (Losers? Holmesians.)

This kiss is just so much bullshit, I can't even tell you.

Is in a show that I could actually sit through because it wasn’t so godawful wrong? You know what movie I couldn’t stand to watch? Sherlock Holmes. Sherlock Holmes is a movie I couldn’t stand to watch because everything in it was wrong except maybe the character’s names. On the other hand, I’m working my way through third viewings of every episode of the BBC’s Sherlock because it’s just that good, that’s why. Winner? Benedict Cumberbatch, the BBC and me!

To celebrate our success, we decided to get ourselves a new image of Benedict Cumberbatch as Sherlock Holmes. Huzzah!

Is more like the literary Sherlock Holmes? Duh. Winner? Benedict Cumberbatch.

Oh, look! Another picture of Benedict Cumberbatch! We couldn't be luckier.

Has a larger audience, because people like stupid movies and, apparently, dislike reading? Winner? Robert Downey Jr.

Has an archenemy? I don’t know if Moriarty shows up in the (wretched, horrible) Guy Ritchie movie because I could only watch seven minutes before throwing up in my mouth and crying a bit. But I do know that BBC Sherlock has not only Moriarty to contend with, but also Mycroft Holmes, who is much thinner than expected. Winner? BBC Sherlock, aka Benedict Cumberbatch.

Lives in the correct time period? Wow, the Sherlock Holmes movie got one whole thing right. I love the idea of a modernized Sherlock Holmes, but for accurate time periods, the movie wins. Winner? Movie Sherlock.

Of course, that could just be a pair of hipsters skulking around some warehouse district nowadays, so it's really hard to be sure when the movie is set.

Just an all-around more awesome Sherlock Holmes? Now, I’ve got nothing against Robert Downey Jr. I think he’s a gorgeous man and a great actor, and in the few minutes of the Sherlock Holmes movie that I managed to watch before having a freakout about what the hell is Irene Adler doing at his office, I was very impressed by his performance. I thought he did a marvelous job of portraying a man who sees everything, who notices everything, and can’t help himself. He gave the role a bit of pathos, and I liked that quite a bit. But I love Benedict Cumberbatch more, because his Sherlock says snarky things and totally doesn’t get basic rules of human behavior and is more like some mythical crime-solving being. Winner? Benedict Cumberbatch.

Overall winner? Yeah, like my bias wasn’t going to be obvious in this one. Benedict Cumberbatch takes it all! Huzzah! Cookies for him!

Hell, Benedict, I'll even take you out for a drink to celebrate if you promise to wear your shirt unbuttoned just so.

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28 Comments

  1. jennibennyfan said,

    Yeah! The winner is Benedict Cumberbatch! What a surprise. ๐Ÿ˜€ Well, no, not really a surprise to me. ^^
    I’ve seen the Guy-Ritchie-movie and I assume there will be a Moriarty-moment in the second movie (which will be in cinemas this winter). I think I’m gonna give it a fair chance and watch it (and propably, hate it afterwards ^^). Have you already seen the movie posters? If not, you should. Really, you should. Because Sherlock Holmes is wearing a Mauser M712, which is produced since 1932! A little late for a Victorian Sherlock Holmes, don’t you think? And Watson’s wearing his MP the other way around! I have not idea, what Guy Ritchie thought (if he had thought at all ๐Ÿ˜‰ ) when he made this posters…

    • lokifire said,

      Maybe he decided to move the movie up in time since the BBC series is so good?
      Ha, just kidding.
      Ritchie has no idea what he’s doing. Stop ruining Holmes!!!

      • Ganieda Moher said,

        The Ritchie movies are actually a better and far more canonical adaptation than the BBC series is. Why does the BBC series take so many liberties with the canon? Why is Cumberbatch’s Sherlock a “sociopath” motivated mainly by boredom and so far off the mark from the Holmes of the stories and novels? One might ask. And one would be right to ask.

    • Ganieda Moher said,

      Hmm – since you can’t write and you obviously cannot spell and punctuate, I think that negates your opinion. Oh, was that too mean? Then how about the meanness of putting down another fandom just to build up your own? The BBC series is NOT canonical – in fact, it has more non-canonical moments than the Downey movies do. See my comment below for more. Many, many of us are tired of this and cannot stand this meanness and bullying of other facets of the Sherlock Holmes fandom by the BBC Sherlock fandom — it’s like you’re all 13 years old and can only appreciate your fandom by attacking and tearing down another.

      That’s bogus. And it seems to ALL be coming from the BBC Sherlock fandom, which has earned a reputation as the Worst Fandom on the Internet. Well deserved, apparently, because right here is another little corner of your meanness and hatefulness.

      How about this: Stay in your corner and love your Cumberbatch, but do NOT attack the fandoms that many other people love. Respect is the key word. Have some.

      • lokifire said,

        Ganieda, jennibennyfan is from Germany, so she’s doing pretty well with English. How about you stay in YOUR corner, because you’ve been weeing all over this corner like a naughty little puppy.

  2. Jamin said,

    How many episodes are out right now? I see only 3 available on Netflix (though they are each an hour and a half). I need more, ’cause holy crap are they good. Also, this could be the best looking BBC production i’ve seen.

    • lokifire said,

      Three, plus the pilot. Which is a one hour version of the first episode.
      Three is not enough. This kills me.

  3. jennibennyfan said,

    For those who asking: According to the cast members, BBC will broadcast the second season in January (three 90-minutes-films again) and the DVD will release 2 months later. (And PBS will air them from the 6th May on). ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • lokifire said,

      God bless you for your knowledge, jennibennyfan.

  4. Your Questions About Benedict Cumberbatch said,

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  5. Danielle said,

    I wasn’t too sure where you we’re gun an go with this but I breathed a sigh of relief when good ol’ Benedict one!! Yays, he’s so yummy, I love him- and Sherlock too obviously!!:L Seriously though, can’t wait for January!!!

  6. Your Questions About Benedict Cumberbatch said,

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  7. noved said,

    I am a stupid wanker who enjoys wanking and hates Sherlock fans. Also, I am illogical and unable to capitalize, and went over the 50-word limit on insults, which is why my moronic and boring comment has been replaced with snark.
    Yo Mama!

  8. Deborah Dessaso said,

    Of course Benedict’s the winner! He has everything a Sherlock should: lean, Sherlockian looks, a brainy-brain, style, standoffishness and, of course, he’s British!

    • lokifire said,

      Yes, I have to admit he is much more British than Robert Downey Jr., who is probably, I don’t know, American or something.
      (I feel like perhaps I should know more about Robert Downey Jr. than I do.)

  9. buddy2blogger (@buddy2blogger) said,

    Excellent Comparison of the BBC adaptation and the travesty of Sir Doyle’s creation. IMHO, Cumberbatch is THE DEFINITIVE Sherlock Holmes.

    Cheers !

    • lokifire said,

      Benedict Cumberbatch is brilliant, isn’t he.

      • Ganieda Moher said,

        Some would say yes, some no. He’s certainly NOT “the definitive” Sherlock Holmes. Far from it, in fact. Most would say Jeremy Brett is the definitive, canonical Sherlock Holmes. Cumberbatch is another actor playing an entertaining version of Holmes, in a very long line of them.

    • Ganieda Moher said,

      Many would defend the Robert Downey Jr. movies, though, and they would be right. See below. The movies are most definitely NOT a “travesty” – why would you attack a movie series that is just as much an adaptation as the BBC television series is?

  10. Elven said,

    Had there been no guy-ritchie Holmes movie , I’d probably not have liked the bbc one . The movies are absolutely abhorable . The bbc ones are definitely better . It’s more true to the book .Although , the Holmes is just not too clever . He doesn’t do a lot of Holmes things . He doesn’t do anything any other detective hero wouldn’t .

    I just don’t understand why they HAVE to change the plot . It can’t be because they think no one will watch a movie of which they already know the story . If so LOTR , Potter , etc would have been the greatest disasters of all time . So it must be some ego issues . Holmes is a perfect character that has survived the tides of time precisely because he was perfectly made . He needs no changes .

    • lokifire said,

      Exactly! That’s why I think I wouldn’t mind these movies if they were “The Adventures of Joe Smith: Action Detective Guy.”
      But don’t you go messing with my Sherlock Holmes!

    • Ganieda Moher said,

      Why does the BBC series change the plot, then? Which it does at least as much as the Downey movies do.

  11. Elven said,

    Btw , thanks for this blog . I’m surrounded by retards who thinks the guy ritchie Sherlock movie is the best thing that ever happened .

    • lokifire said,

      Well, if they’re developmentally disabled, then they have an excuse.

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  13. TheImprobableOne said,

    All you who said Benedict Cumberbatch was better are right! The Guy Whathisface movies suck so bad. BC is both brilliant, sociopath, and good-looking. The actual movies are none of those things.

    • Ganieda Moher said,

      There is nothing at all in the canon that says Sherlock Holmes is in any way a “sociopath.” On the contrary, he is a kind gentleman whose main driving force is justice. The BBC series pretty much gets it all wrong. At least the Downey movies, though RDJ is not the tall hawknosed physical type of the books, get that exactly right. Both adaptations add their own changes to the character — BBC’s is a rude sociopath (not canonical) motivated by boredom (not canonical) and RDJ is a messy (not canonical) Bohemian (canonical) motivated by justice (canonical). Who wins? RDJ, I would say.

  14. Ganieda Moher said,

    Yo mama loves Robert Downey Jr.

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