Probably not related to Johann Sebastian Bach: Sebastian Bach!

October 20, 2011 at 11:05 am (Whatever happened to ...?) (, )

The 1980s: a decade wherein neon became a fashion choice, the men wore more makeup than the ladies and a young singer named Sebastian Bach (note: probably not his real name) rose to fame as the lead singer of Skid Row. Yeah, whatever happened to those guys, anyway?

In the '80s, people hardly ever wore shirts. Just leather jackets.

Well, since I never knew any of their names except Sebastian Bach’s, which probably isn’t his real name anyway, let’s find out what became of him. But first we’ll find out how he became the man he was. Or is. Or whatever.

Sebastian Bach was born on April 3, 1968, in the Bahamas, as Sebastian Philip Bierk, which is much closer to his stage name than I would have guessed. Bach was raised in Canada, so apparently the tropic beauty of the Bahamas was too much for his family, or he popped out while they were having a nice vacation.

Welcome to the world, Baby Sebastian! Enjoy Canada!

According to Wikipedia, which is a complete and utter authority on all subjects great and small, and also completely accurate, all the time, Bach went to school at Lakefield College School, which seems kind of redundant to me, like calling “Lincoln High School” “Lincoln High School Education Place.”

Note that in this artist's rendering, there is no sign designating this establishment as a "college school."

Anyway, after going to college school, Bach went on to … I don’t know, become a wedding singer or something, because that’s how Skid Row (which had everything but a lead singer, much like all the bands I knew in high school) discovered him. The band loved him and flew him out to New Jersey to start playing gigs. (In the 1980s, New Jersey was a rock mecca. See: Jovi, Bon.) The group had hits like 18 and Life and other songs that I never really listened to and don’t remember. I think 18 and Life was a really famous one, though. You can correct me if I’m wrong, but try to use proper punctuation to do so.

Oh, and feel free to educate me on the rest of the band's names. Just be aware that I won't actually care at all.

In 1989, Bach suffered some backlash for wearing a tee-shirt during a concert that said “AIDS kills fags dead.” His defense was that a fan threw him the shirt and he put it on without looking at it, which seems like a really bad policy, considering most fans throwing stuff at you are 1) crazy; 2) probably quite smelly; 3) possibly currently naked. Just throw the shirt back is what I’m saying.

In 1990, Bach performed with Guns N’ Roses and Metallica, and the impromptu band called themselves “The Gak,” which leads me to believe that going to college school doesn’t necessarily give you a large vocabulary from which to choose band names.

Huh. Who knew, right?

Skid Row went on to do some more stuff. Notably not among that stuff was opening for KISS in 1996. “We’re too big to open for KISS,” said the other band members. “You’re never too big to open for KISS,” said Bach, revealing a long-hidden man-crush on Gene Simmons. In the same paragraph, Wikipedia claims both that Bach was fired and that he left the band. Pick your favorite one, I guess.

I know it's hard. It's like picking your favorite photo of Bach in a leather jacket with no shirt on.

After Skid Row, Bach joined a band with The Breeders’ Kelley Deal, The Smashing Pumpkins’ Jimmy Chamberlain and The Frogs’ (The Frogs?) Jimmy Flemiron. As The Last Hard Men (which seems to reveal a little something about Kelley Deal I never knew), they recorded an album for Atlantic Records, which the company decided not to release. It was later released by Deal’s Nice Records, and is now available commercially if you missed out on the first 1,000 copies.

In 2000, Bach began appearing in Broadway shows, earning the title role of Jekyll & Hyde, which I always assumed would be played by two men, but I guess not? He was later replaced by David Hasselhoff, which I find hilarious for various reasons.

OK, just two: "David Hasselhoff" and "Broadway."

In 2002, Bach became the host of  VH1 show called VH1’s Forever Wild, which I guess probably people who watch VH1 would have heard of. He also joined a touring performance of Jesus Christ Superstar as Jesus Christ himself. From 2003 to 2007, he apparently had a recurring role in Gilmore Girls, which I might’ve watched if it had robots or spies or something. He still performs with his band Sebastian Bach, which is variously called that, Sebastian Bach and Friends (better, I guess, than Sebastian Bach and Enemies) or Bach Tight Five. That last one is probably a reference to something. I’m assuming football.

I was using "football" as a euphemism for "sex," but I guess I should've used "rugby."

VH1 came a’knocking again in 2006 with Supergroup, which I’d tell you more about if I had ever cared what became of Jason Bonham and Ted Nugent. Since then, Bach has toured as a solo act with Guns N’ Roses and has released a solo album called Kicking & Screaming. Also, he was arrested for biting a bar owner. I kind of love that.

Actually, he does kind of look like a biter.

After the destruction of his home in August 2011 by Hurricane Irene, Bach resides in a temporary home in New Jersey and is considering moving to L.A. And hopefully biting more bar owners.

Oh, yeah. You can tell from that look in his eyes that he's thinking about it.

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17 Comments

  1. Natalie said,

    Laugh at me if you must but I LOVE Skid Row and Sebastian Bach. A little less after I saw him on Supergroup because he’s a drunk asshole. But he still has an amazing voice and his song Youth Gone Wild is and always will be my anthem 🙂 Thank you for the update and the pictures!

    • lokifire said,

      Hee! I need to hook you up with one of my friends from the newspaper. You guys would totally mesh, I think.

      • Natalie said,

        Totally! Its always nice to talk to people who are on the same page!

  2. nataliee said,

    didnt he also have a wife called lavena whom he called maria ,paris is their son?

    • lokifire said,

      Maybe?
      Look, the important thing is that he went to college school.

  3. matti said,

    yes he said he had a very first wife prior to maria,whom he met at niagra falls,he proposed within moments,she was beautiful i am told,and eicca from apocalyptica loved her he admits,this hidden wife lavina was once in 80’s band gene loves jezebel,they had hits with screaming,desire,and bruises,she is in the original bruises video although she has auburn hair she has dyed it goth black ,she also married someone else,we dont know everything,but her scream vocals are on skid rows,slave to the grind album on monkey business and slave to the grind,.Sebastian told his first wife not to talk about him after probably rumours to do with his friends also liking her,so she never did,so upset Sebastian now does and maybe loves her still,but she sometimes is with scandinavian or sicilian or russian men after falling into a comatose state in 1990 and forgetting all about Sebastian due to this,now Sebastian said he will try to change his look back to resemble his former self so she recognises him.

    • kerrang said,

      yes also siren like screams on quicksand jesus,girls change their boyfriends or husbands,we think they met in 1987 or 1988,but no doubt about this Sebastian Bach was the coolest cat then.

  4. metalcurs said,

    Sebastian has a hidden flower in his underworld garden,as prior to Maria we think he had another wife called Nymphaea or lavina,apparently they met on the frontier at niagra falls in either 1987 or 88,he proposed within minutes,she was sometimes in a band called gene loves jezebel they had hits,screaming,desire,+bruises she is in the bruises video,she dyed her hair goth black,normally its auburn or also dyed blonde.Skid row used her on their 2nd album,slave to the grind,for siren like screaming vocals,on monkey business and quicksand jesus.We dont know where she is but blond cellist from apocalyptica loved her,when Sebastian completely finished with skid row she went into a comatose state,and forgot about him,now Sebastian who after a row told her not to mention him as rumours of her with another boy in europoe,so she never did,finally Sebastian now upset she never mentioned her marriage to the skid row star,then told everyone himself and vows to look again the same as in the 80’s,so she will recognise him.

  5. jed said,

    Sebastian even told people he was married,rumour has it they even concieved another child upstairs in the rainbow whilst his friends were downstairs.

  6. Skid Row secrets said,

    Skid Rows former frontman Sebastian Bach had an exquisite european ‘Femme fatale’beautiful bluebird butterfly espionage wife called Nymphaea Kymiliel who is an Aleister Crowley devotee with high grades within the Thelemite order of the Silver Star..Sebastian performed the erotic five fold pentagram kiss salute on her in a 1986 Niagra Fall wedding in the presence of blonde Welsh/American Rock Star Michael Aston of Gene loves Jezebel and four strict Canadian officials.They never divorced!Sebastian admitted he worshipped her reproposing/renewing their vows several times after violent arguments.Nymphaea was with Sebastian in Reno when a famous wildcatter knife-weilded him causing emergency surgery,she ran to tell Axl Rose of Guns n Roses,who left immeadiately for the hospital where Sebastian was in surgery.

  7. Rawk said,

    Actually they married in 1988.Nymphaea made Sebastian swear never to mention her as she thought should his fans realise they are married it would be totally dextrimental to is career.Sebastian carried their wedding document around with him on tour,as she was rarely around and never saw Skid Row play,Maria took over and it looks like Nymphaea wouldnt return to Sebastian.

  8. Rawk said,

    Actually they married in 1988.Nymphaea made Sebastian swear never to mention her as she thought should his fans realise they are married it would be totally dextrimental to Skid Rows career.Sebastian carried their wedding document around with him on tour,as she was rarely around and never saw Skid Row play,Maria took over and it looks like Nymphaea wouldnt return to Sebastian.Bach was angry with her as she never mentioned him and so since it looks like she never will,everyone else now does.

  9. Rawk said,

    Got to get it right!
    Actually they married in 1986.Nymphaea made Sebastian swear never to mention her as she thought should his fans realise they are married it would be totally dextrimental to Skid Rows career.Sebastian carried their wedding document around with him on tour,as she was rarely around and never saw Skid Row play,Maria took over and it looks like Nymphaea wouldnt return to Sebastian.Bach was angry with her as she never mentioned him and so since it looks like she never will,everyone else now does.
    Right on!

  10. Andre said,

    Fuck what a cool history.Skid Row were ace!

  11. Dire said,

    Why so many skid row songs on set when promoting solo kicking n screaming.

  12. jackass said,

    bach you big coz skidrow. . .when ya solo u’re nothing but trash

    • lokifire said,


      Is that English?

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