Gregory House vs. Sherlock Holmes

November 1, 2011 at 4:35 pm (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , , )


Shut up, yes, eventually my obsession will relent, all right? Until then, please enjoy seeing the original detective face off against the guy who was clearly created in his image.

Errr, not this guy.

(I mean, everybody knows that, right? House? Holmes? Everybody got that, right?)

Anyway, Gregory House is a cranky doctor who solves medical mysteries. Sherlock Holmes is a cranky detective who solves non-medical mysteries.

Is the original better?

Will I use more pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch?

Of course I will. Don't be silly.

Let’s find out!

Physicality. Blah blah blah, Sherlock Holmes is supposed to be ugly. We all know my stance on that, and how Benedict Cumberbatch’s striking looks have swayed me to the other side. (I’m fickle that way.) On the other hand, Hugh Laurie is a very attractive man. Winner? I can’t choose! Don’t make me choose! How could I choose? (Let’s call this a tie.)

I love you, Mr. Laurie. Mostly for your looks, but also for your sense of style.

Is currently on a television show that doesn’t suck? I’ve heard this season of House has gotten better, and also, now that Olivia Wilde is totally a movie “actress,” she isn’t on it anymore. I’ve considered watching it again, but have never gotten around to it. The BBC’s Sherlock, however, is very, very excellent and if you aren’t already watching it, you should be, and maybe I should have a viewing party at my place, you’re all invited. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.

Ha, ha, no, you're not really invited.

Has a better best friend/sidekick? House’s bestie/sidekick is oncologist Dr. James Wilson. Gosh, you know who that name reminds me of? Dr. John Watson is who that name reminds me of. Anyhoo, Dr. James Wilson acts as House’s conscience, except he kind of sucks at it because House is still basically (and gloriously) evil, and he’s also never shot anyone. Watson is Holmes’ soul, and also carries a gun. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.

Oooh, Lego Holmes and Watson are so damned cute!

Has a more interesting romantic life? Holmes hasn’t got a romantic life. House occasionally has one, but I wouldn’t go so far as to call it interesting. Winner? Nobody.

House, you are a lucky dog.

Is more likely to kill you than to save you? Neither of these guys are really all that into the sanctity of human life, but only House is going to treat you for a disease you possibly don’t have because he’s got no time for testing, dammit! Getting treatment for the wrong disease is often quite deadly. Winner? House.

Has a more interesting addiction? Both House and Holmes are addicted to the high that comes with puzzle-solving, so we’re cutting that one out right off the bat here. Holmes, in his down time, occasionally used cocaine until Dr. Watson got him off the stuff. House suffers from severe leg pain and an addiction to vicodin, which no one has been able to talk him off of, and has even got him in trouble with the cops. I’d say that’s kind of interesting. Winner? House.

Now I just need a photo of Benedict Cumberbatch in a bathtub, and this is the best post ever.


Dammit, someone pose this boy in a bathtub, like, yesterday.

Has a motorcycle? House sometimes has a motorcycle. Winner? House.

Been to prison? House just got out of prison. Winner? House.

I really hope he used the cane as a makeshift shank.

Is the original? Sherlock Holmes is the original. Winner? Holmes.

Has a cooler first name? I like the name Gregory. But it’s no Sherlock. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.

It’s time for a tiebreaker, which is odd, because I kind of assumed Holmes would kill this thing. I guess I underestimated my love for Hugh Laurie.

The tiebreaker! Has a better catchphrase? Holmes’ catchphrases are varied and include some of the following: “The game is afoot.” “When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.” Those are awesome. Once, for Christmas, my mother got me a book of Sherlock Holmes quotations and that was the best Christmas ever. House’s catchprase is short, sweet and to the point: “Everyone lies.” That’s awesome. But I still like Holmes better. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.

I've always liked Holmes better than pretty much everything.

Overall winner? Sherlock Holmes, because, duh, I’m obsessed more than usual right now.

And we all know whose fault that is.



  1. greg said,

    Don’t know how this factors in to your decision, but House was modeled after Holmes, hence all the similarities between them. Also, don’t forget House’s bum leg.

    • lokifire said,

      Yuppers. That’s why he used to live on Baker Street. (Before he went to prison.)

  2. jennibennyfan said,

    Oh, I love your “Character Battles”. 😀 😀 😀
    Could you do a battle Sherlock vs. Sheldon (from The Big Bang Theorie), please? I think both have sth in common, at least the addiction to logic and the inability of interpersonal relationships. 😉

    • Jamin said,

      I’m pretty sure she doesn’t watch Big Bang Theory. If she did, i’m sure she’d mostly hate it. At least i know that’s the way i feel. BBT is an insult to nerds and geeks.

      • lokifire said,

        You’re right, Jamin, I’ve never seen it. I can’t say if I’d hate it, but maybe I would? I don’t really watch sitcoms.
        But I could fake it for a regular reader, jennibennyfan. Give me some time and we’ll see!

      • Jamin said,

        Sheldon veers wildly between insufferable and hilarious, and some of the other characters are amusing. However, Leonard is a whiny, ineffectual pussy; Penny is a caricature of pretty, stupid people; and the overall premise is just revolting. So… prepare to be mildly amused and horribly insulted.

      • lokifire said,

        Ha, ha, no, no, I wasn’t planning on watching it. Just googling Sheldon and then having Sherlock win, anyway. Not out of sheer bias or anything; he’s just the most awesome fictional character ever is all.
        (Except for Spike Spiegel.)
        (And maybe Kaneda.)

      • Jamin said,

        Crap… my pontification on this subject is causing me to grow annoyed at myself. I’m turning into my own angry nerd caricature.

        Dammit, and now i’ve used “caricature” twice, so it looks like it’s my “word of the day” or some crap. Headdesk.

  3. Gregory House vs. Sherlock Holmes « Hollywood Hates Me | Hugh Laurie said,

    […] more here: Gregory House vs. Sherlock Holmes « Hollywood D&#1077&#1109&#1088&#1110&#1109&#1077&#1109 M&#1077 (function(){var […]

  4. anna said,

    Didn’t like this sorry! 😦

    • lokifire said,

      Eh, I’m not forcing you to like everything. As long as you’re not a dick about it, I still *heart* you.

  5. theebaylife said,

    Just discovered this show on Netflix and instantly recognized the similarities between House snd Sherlock . Great post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: