At the request of the lovely jennibennyfan, I now present this fictional character battle between Sherlock Holmes, the best fictional detective EVAH and Sheldon Cooper, a guy on a show I have never watched.
Prepare for the lopsidedness!
Physicality. Sherlock Holmes and Sheldon Cooper are both tall and thin. However, Benedict Cumberbatch is ever so attractive. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.
Is on a sitcom? Sheldon Cooper is a character on the Big Bang Theory, which is a sitcom! Sherlock Holmes is not currently on a sitcom, although who knows what the future may hold. Winner? Sheldon Cooper.
Has a girlfriend? You know who doesn’t have a girlfriend, Guy Ritchie? Sherlock Holmes doesn’t, hasn’t and NEVER WILL. Sheldon Cooper is, I guess, kind of dating Blossom maybe, but I don’t know. Still, that’s closer than never dating Irene Adler, you stupidheads. Winner? Sheldon Cooper.
Suffers from a mental illness? Sherlock Holmes and Sheldon Cooper both display slightly autistic/OCD/sociopathic traits. So, yeah, they probably both mad as hatters. Winners? It’s a tie.
Is the best fictional detective of our, or any, generation? As I previously mentioned, Sherlock Holmes is the best fictional detective EVAH! Sheldon Cooper is some kind of genius scientist. Even if he turned to solving crimes, Sherlock Holmes is my favorite forever. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.
Has a undying bond of loyalty with one special person? Sheldon Cooper’s best friend is Darlene’s boyfriend from Roseanne. (As an aside, I was so relieved when I figured that out, because I kept seeing ads for Big Bang Theory and being all I know I recognize the curly-haired guy, but who is he? Oh, right, it’s whatsisname! Yeah, good ol’ whatsisname.) They are roommates who share a (decidedly small) circle of friends. You know who else is roommates? Sherlock Holmes and his bestie John Watson is roommates. They don’t share a circle of friends, because Sherlock Holmes only needs one friend and that is Watson. If he would ever like a second friend, I would like to put in a nomination for it to be me. I wouldn’t bring much to the table, except for food. Which two struggling bachelors would need. Call me, guys! Winner? Sherlock Holmes.
Fights evil on a regular basis? If Sherlock Holmes wasn’t busy fighting evil, he would probably be evil. So I guess fictional London can be grateful for that. Sheldon Cooper is a genius scientist, who maybe fights evil electrons, but I’m not sure there really is such a thing. Also, he stalked Stan Lee. That’s just awful. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.
Has a weakness for his mum? I say mum to make it sound more British, but really, Sherlock Holmes hardly ever mentions his family, except for Mycroft, and only when he absolutely has to. So if he’s close with his mother, nobody knows it. On the other hand, Sheldon’s mother has been described as his Kryptonite. Which makes it sound like she is totally his weakness, don’t you think? Winner? Sheldon Cooper.
Has a deadly adversary? Sheldon Cooper has a long list of enemies, much like myself, but no one’s actively tried to murderize him yet, so … he’s cool, I guess. Sherlock Holmes has made enemies of most of fictional London’s fictional evildoers, including Moriarty and that guy with great aim, whose name escapes me right now. Anyway, people are always trying to kill the hell out of Sherlock Holmes. But never succeeding because he is the best. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.
Better fashion sense? Sheldon Cooper dresses like a wanker. There. I said it. Sherlock Holmes, on the BBC’s Sherlock, dresses quite snazzily and I wish he would come give clothing lessons to all the men I know. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.
This has gone on longer than I expected. I hope you’re happy, jennibennyfan.
Overall winner? In a completely unsurprising non-upset, Sherlock Holmes takes yet another fictional character battle.