So you think you’re dating a (lady) mutant: A modern teen’s guide

February 28, 2012 at 12:55 pm (Top Ten) (, )

Guys, I know it’s hard out there in the dating world, what with all the ladies dating the vampires and werewolves and what-have-you. And what have you got for mythical creatures? Ha! Mermaids, if you’re lucky.

But the good news is: you have found a girl. She seems nice, doesn’t she? But lately, you’ve noticed, she’s acting a bit … well … mutated.

So perhaps you’re dating a mutant?

Let’s find out.

1. Does your special lady friend have the power to read your mind and also turn her body into diamond-like substance, rendering her almost impossible to harm?

That doesn’t seem fair, you know. Maybe if she wasn’t hogging all the superpowers, there’d be more left for the rest of us.

Also, maybe she could try layering?

2. Can she walk through walls?

Not in a ghosty way, more like in a telephase-y kind of way?

They're similar, except she's not dead. And if she is, she does live in the Marvel universe, so she'll get over it.

3. When you kiss, does she absorb your life energy?

Possibly sending you into a coma, depending on said kiss’s intensity?

Well, don't worry. She's going to start bleaching her hair and dating vampires, anyway.

4. Can she control the elements of nature?

And does she have a kind of stupid name?

I'm sorry, but Ororo Munroe? Really? No wonder she goes by Storm.

5. Does she sometimes get possessed by something called the Phoenix Force and then try to destroy the universe or something?

Also, did she kill you in the third X-Men movie and you immediately rebounded to Superman’s ex-girlfriend?

Maybe you should try dating a nice girl for once.

6. Do people keep asking you why you’re two- and three-timing your girlfriend, and where did all those hot ladies come from anyway, and what do they see in you?

“Guys, she’s a shapeshifter,” you protest, and they roll their eyes?

"All kidding aside, guys, I'm actually dating Rebecca Romijn."

7. Does she have a band, sometimes roller-skates, likes disco and pretty lights?

And does she have a ridiculously bad superhero name?

Jumpsuits and roller skates seem like a bad combination when it's time to go potty.

8. Speaking of pretty lights, can she create plasma explosions?

Also, did she later lose her mutant powers and get turned into a vampire and … really? Gods, no wonder I don’t read any X-Men series.

I suppose this way, when they bring her back from the dead (because they will; they always do), they can say, "Well, it's because she was a vampire! But she got better. Also, her mutant powers are back."

9. Is she scarlet and also a witch?

You could do worse.

Seriously. It's hard to find nice girls who look that good in red leather and can alter reality.

10. Does she only have one eye and live in the future?

Stop dating her! She and Phillip J. Fry are meant to be together, dammit!

Stop that. Fry likes girls who cosplay as Slave Leia too.

So, to answer your question: Yes, without a doubt, you are absolutely dating a mutant.

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4 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    Haha, thanks, i think this is in my top 10 favorites now 🙂
    Mmmmm, slave Leia outfits. *drool* Seriously, though, I’m pretty sure that every geek guy in the world wants his wife/girlfriend to wear that outfit at some point.

    • lokifire said,

      Well, of course they do! It’s iconic.
      (Note to my future boyfriend: Girls who have kids should NOT wear slave Leia outfits. In case you’re wondering.)

      • Jamin said,

        Well, dang, that’s gonna be disappointing for the poor guy. Poor, poor Benedict Cumberbatch…

      • lokifire said,

        Heh.
        You’re so sweet.

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