Well, I don’t feel very lucky

April 20, 2012 at 4:19 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

So, this weekend, another Nicholas Sparks adaptation opens, The Lucky One, which makes me wonder 1) exactly how many novels Nicholas Sparks has written; 2) are they all going to get made into movies; 3) dear God, why?

What sort of dirt have you got on the film industry, you cheerful bastard?

Anyhow, The Lucky One is the story of Zac Efron finding a photograph of a woman while he’s off being a soldier and somehow it saves him from getting all blowed up or something, and so he decides to track her down. This makes me wonder 1) what happened to the person who was carrying her photo; 2) did they manage to find a woman shorter than Zac Efron or does she have to stand in a hole for most of the movie; 3) am I supposed to believe Zac Efron is grownup or something?

Usually I'm all for facial hair, but he looks like a 12-year-old playing dress-up in Daddy's goatee.

Then, of course, because this is a Nicholas Sparks novel, he does find the woman, they do fall in love and he says something like “I think you should be kissed every hour on the hour, like some kind of sexy grandfather clock. With tongue,” and then the narrator proclaims it’s the perfect date movie!, which makes me wonder 1) fecking really?; 2) do I know anyone who would think this would be the perfect movie to take me on a date to?; 3) how can I get that person out of my life quickly and forever?

In my perfect date movie, he would have gotten exploded at the beginning, but the explosion would give him superpowers, and, also, he would shave.
Or there'd be zombies.
With superpowers.

Anyway, I’m sure it all ends it tragedy, because I’ve heard Nicholas Sparks joints do that, so there you go. The Lucky One.

You know, I thought "The Lucky One" referred to Zac Efron's character, but now I think maybe it refers to the woman in the photo, because she is clearly a 40-year-old woman who hooks up with a teenager.

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4 Comments

  1. Bella said,

    Omg this is the funniest (and truest) review of The Lucky One I have read!

  2. Jamin said,

    Fortunately for you, i’m pretty sure that anyone who actually knows you would know this is a terrible movie to watch with you. So… you should be fairly safe.

    • lokifire said,

      Well, now I do feel lucky!

  3. Shaylane said,

    Hi My Name Is Shaylane Webb A Few Weeks Ago I Sent A Letter To My Crush Zac Efron Who I Love But He Hasn’t Sent Me A Letter In A Week And I Don’t Know Why But I Want Zac Efron To Be My Boyfriend And Husband

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