This happens more often than you’d think

May 2, 2012 at 11:44 am (Stuff that Bugs Me Right Now)

So a woman just came to the funeral home I work at at 10:55 a.m., panicked, asking, “Where is the service for Dorothy Sh-something? It starts at 11 and I’m going to be late!”

“I’m sorry,” I replied. “What was that last name?”

Woman, obviously a very close friend of Dorothy Something-or-Other: “I don’t know!”

Me: “All right, let me look in the paper for you and see if I can find out where that service is. It’s not a service that we’re handling.”

Grab the paper, come back, find the woman’s name under a different funeral home. I give the woman the name of the church that the service is at.

Woman: “Well, where is that church?”

Me: “I don’t know. I’ll look it up for you in a moment, but let me help the people who are here for a service we’re actually handling.” (Note: in real life, I said it nicer than that.)

Nice people who are waiting: “Don’t worry, you can finish helping the crazy lady. It will get her out of here faster.”

Woman: “Well, can I take your newspaper and then bring it back to you when the service is over?”

Me: “No.”

Woman: “But why not? I’m running late.”

Me: “Because we need the newspaper (for when idiots like you come here without checking to see which funeral home is handling a service and where it is before they leave the house). Also, it doesn’t have the address.”

So then I look up the address of the church and tell the woman.

Woman: “Is that downtown? Because I’m going to be late if I have to go downtown!”

Me: (finally losing my patience as I hand her a note with the address of the church written on it) “Yes, sometimes it’s better to check the information before you leave the house, isn’t it?”

Nice people waiting for the crazy lady to leave: “Heh heh heh.”

Last week, a woman came in trying to find out the service time for someone, she didn't know who, but "she has a sister named Sarah, I think?"

This is completely unrelated and I'll have to check with the boss, but I think we can all agree that I need this hearse in my life.



  1. Jamin said,

    Sometimes i think you need to find a job where you won’t be forced to deal with morons or crazy people. But then i remember that there is no such job, and at least your job results in some good stories.

    • lokifire said,

      I was seriously like: “Lady, WHY do you want our newspaper? How can that possibly help you?”

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