Battleship: Totally a movie now

May 17, 2012 at 3:16 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, )

Yeah, so the Battleship movie is totally a thing that’s happening.

Damn. You totally sunk my battleship.

Apparently, Battleship, one of the top three boringest board games ever, gets translated into film as “Giant aliens attack us with things that are like spinning metal wheels of death, which is probably a heavy metal band name already, and the plucky Navy or Coast Guard or whatever has to fight back.

“Also, Liam Neeson is in it because he owes somebody some serious money or has contracted some sort of horrible brain disease that makes it impossible for him to tell if a role is shite or not.

“Do I at least get to punch someone in the throat?”

“Also, don’t forget that Hasbro brought you Transformers!

“Which this movie isn’t exactly like, but close enough, right?

“I mean, there’s no transforming robots, but there’s aliens!

“Also, the alien ships look like they might transform probably.

“Oh, yeah? Well just wait and see what we do with the rights to Monopoly!”

“Hint: There’ll be Transformers.”

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1 Comment

  1. Jamin said,

    Nahhh, Liam Neeson just doesn’t give a crap. Honestly, it’s a trait I’ve always respected in him. I mean, he’s arguably one of the greatest living actors, but he slums it ALL THE FREAKING TIME. “I played Schindler, but sure, I’ll act in your atrocious sci-fi tripe.”

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