Somehow, this is all my fault

June 1, 2012 at 9:24 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

I blame myself for this.

Wait, why is the chick from Twilight getting top billing over Charlize Theron?

It’s all because of that fictional character battle I did ages ago. I mean, I didn’t think anybody even read that thing!

But obviously, someone did.

And due to myself, someone decided to cast the chick from Twilight as Snow White.

Wow, that is … not a flattering angle for her.

(This is all my fault, isn’t it?)

Because here’s the thing: Snow White and the Huntsman looks pretty cool.

Actually, it looks really cool.

Evil queens turning into murders of crows!

Kind of playing on the whole Morrigan Celtic origins thing there.

Knights shattering into shards of black glass! Liquid mirrors like in The Invisibles and stuff!

I swear, I never knew what was going on in The Invisibles half to three-quarters of the time.

Cool, right?

But Snow White is the chick from Twilight. Snow White is the chick from Twilight! Snow White is the chick from Twilight!

Coincidentally enough, this also is not a good angle for her.

It’s like Hollywood took a bunch of awesome things (fairy tales, cool special effects, Thor) and then thought, man, if we actually release a good movie that people will WANT to see, what does that say about us?, so they had to shove the chick from Twilight right on in there.

Hey, wait a second … Are there ANY good angles for her?

Either that, or somebody read my blog.

And it’s all my fault.

I’ll never forgive myself.



  1. Jamin said,

    Here’s a horrifying thought: what if Kristen Stewart and Keanu Reeves had a baby?

    • lokifire said,

      Hopefully it would get his looks.
      At least he’s got some good angles.

      • Jamin said,

        But… it will have the genetics of both the Most Wooden “Actor” and the Most Wooden “Actress”! It’d be like… extra wooden! Man… I don’t even know where to go with that joke without descending to “wood” jokes…

      • lokifire said,

        … So you’re saying they’d have Pinnochio?

  2. Jamin said,

    Hah! There you go. I knew there was a punchline there, it was just eluding me. 🙂

    • Jamin said,

      Bleh, hit the wrong “reply.” Sorry, it’s been a long week… that was actually a short week. 😕

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