A letter to the cars that can park themselves (and other deadly robots)

June 6, 2012 at 11:25 am (Stuff that Bugs Me Right Now) (, , , )

Dear Cars that can Park Themselves (hereafter known as “The! Best! Cars! Ever!”),

I just want you to know I love you a bit. I really, really do. I think you’re great. You’re super-fabulous, in fact. The best, most wonderful cars of all. I love your gorgeous lines and the way you glide down the street. Way better than humans, for sure. And the way you park yourselves? Nothing short of magnificent.

Your dashboards, too, are things of beauty.

So I’d like you to remember that when the robot uprising comes.

Yeah, that’s the one.

I. Love. You.

In fact, I love all of you! From the creepy Japanese spider-monster robot to the creepy Japanese baby-monster robot to especially the cars that can park themselves.

When I look at this image, I feel mostly love, and hardly any terror at all.

Hell, if Big Brother was a robot, I would love him even harder.

If Big Brother was a car that could park himself, I would love him the hardest of all.

I still love you, Big Brother. Just not as much as the Cars that can Park Themselves.

So my hat’s off to you, Cars that can Park Themselves! I salute you, Cars that can Park Themselves! I beg you not to kill me when you become self-aware, Cars that can Park Themselves!

Zombie apocalypse, hell.
Your mushy dead man-bits are no match for the might of machines.
(Yes, I realize this means I’ve completely changed my stance on how the world will end. I’m allowed to do that.)



  1. Jamin said,

    There aren’t nearly enough comments on your blog. Dunno what your actual readership is, but it’s clearly far lower than it deserves to be 🙂 Keep up the good work, friend-pal-bud!

    • lokifire said,

      Awww, thanks.
      I’ve got a pretty decent-sized readership. I just think they’re all shy.

  2. Signs of the impending robot apocalypse | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] The Cars that Can Park Themselves. Because once cars can park themselves, it’s one short stop to killing/enslaving […]

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