Sgt. Nicholas Angel vs. Sherlock Holmes

June 14, 2012 at 11:28 am (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , , , )

Because do I really have to explain?

I love this guy.

I also love this guy.

On to the battle!

(Seriously, I don’t think I really have to explain.)

Physicality. If you put Benedict Cumberbatch and Simon Pegg in a room together and told me I could only have one of them, I would curl up on the floor in the fetal position and weep, unable to choose. In the end, though, I’d remember how much I love really tall men, and take the modern-day Sherlock home with me. (I’d put him on my collectibles shelf, of course.) Winner? Benedict Cumberbatch, by virtue of being taller than Simon Pegg. Er, I mean, Sherlock Holmes.

This lovely photo doesn’t hurt his case either.

Loves his work more than anything else, except for one special person? Sherlock Holmes lives for the thrill of solving crimes, the more interesting the better. He doesn’t much care for the human race (like, who does, right, bunch of 50 Shades of Grey-loving bastards that they are anyway), except for his bestest buddy of all: Dr. John “Hobbit” Watson. Sgt. Nicholas Angel doesn’t exactly live for the thrill of solving crime, but he sure enjoys everything being all neat and orderly and, you know, solved. He got dumped by his fiancee because he loved his job more than her, and was destined to a life of lonely police work until he met that one special person, Danny Butterman. Winner? It’s a tie.

… And they lived happily ever after.

Is more badass? Until Sherlock Holmes bends a fire poker with his bare hands on Sherlock, I wait with bated breath for an action sequence better than the ones in the second episode of Season 1. On the other hand, Sgt. Nicholas Angel can do flips over fences and all sorts of wonderful stuff and I love him soooooo much! Winner? It’s a tie

Now please enjoy one of my favorite movie scenes ever:

Knows how to drive? I have seen no evidence that Sherlock Holmes knows how to drive, what with most incarnations of him living before there were such things as “cars,” and his most current incarnation taking cabs everywhere (I mean, if they even call them cabs in London, right? Ha, ha, ha, those funny Brits). Sgt. Nicholas Angel, though, can drive, and often does so. Winner? Sgt. Nicholas Angel.

Flips his coat lapel up frequently? You know who does such a thing frequently? Sherlock Holmes frequently does such a thing. I’m not sure Sgt. Nicholas Angel’s coat even has lapels. This doesn’t seem fair at all. Winner? Sherlock Holmes.

It’s totally a thing he does.

Defeats an evil cabal of town elders? Unfortunately for Sherlock Holmes, London is much too large to be under the control of an evil cabal of town leaders, which is a shame, because I think he’d have fun with that. Sgt. Nicholas Angel, however, SPOILER ALERT I guess, totally does defeat an evil cabal of town elders. And then the jail explodes. Winner? Sgt. Nicholas Angel.

They’re so evil, they have to wear these capes to all town functions.

Is a bit, shall we say, nit-picky? Sherlock Holmes once traveled all the way to, I don’t know, Belarus or someplace, to correct a criminal on the proper tense of death by hanging. However, Sgt. Nicholas Angel carries two pens with him at all times, God I love him, and insists on calling cops police officers and does all sorts of stuff by the book, because he is the best and I love him. Winner? It’s a tie.

Faked his own death? Sherlock Holmes faked the hell out of his own death, what with pretending he’d died in a plummet from Reichenbach Falls and all, fooling the world, his own best friend, and all of Arthur Conan Doyle’s readers. Mostly this is because Sir Doyle really did kill off Holmes, and retconned him back into existence, but faked his own death it is! Sgt. Nicholas Angel didn’t actually fake his own death, but he pretended to be dead when Danny stabbed him, so that kind of counts, right? Winner? It’s a tie!

The ultimate, tie-breaking question: Who has a cuter sidekick/BFF? Awww, jeez, this is rough. I mean, Dr. John Watson is so Martin Freeman-y, what with the cute blonde hair and that face — but Danny Butterman is the adorable Nick Frost, who is just so cute and I love him and I can’t decide!!! Winner? It’s a tie-ish?

Ooooh, Watson in a great suit!

Um, overall winner? Hah, I’m just kidding. The winner is Sherlock Holmes, because he always wins these things.

It’s just that, he’s, you know, SHERLOCK HOLMES.

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10 Comments

  1. Gina Musto said,

    It’s going to be incredibly brilliant having both Simon Pegg and Benedict Cumberbatch in the next Star Trek movie. I’m not quite sure I’m going to be able to handle that.

    • lokifire said,

      You and me both, friend. I don’t even like Star Trek, and I’m all atwitter!

      • Jamin said,

        Wait, what?! Cumberbatch is in the next Star Trek? Who is he playing? I mean… Not that i care, being a guy and all… He just seems like a cool guy, is all >.>

      • lokifire said,

        It’s OK. If Daniel O’Brien from Cracked likes him, then it’s OK for all the men everywhere to like him.
        And he’s a villain, but they’re keeping his character kind of mysterious for now. It’s probably not Khan, though.

      • Jamin said,

        DOB likes him? Guess i missed that article. Also… Cumberbatch would make a very interesting Khan… His facial structure would be perfect for a Vulcan or Romulan, but since they used a Romulan as the bad guy in the last (first) one, I doubt they’d go back to that well so soon. Hmmm…

      • Jamin said,

        Upon re-reading that, it looks like I was implying that Khan is a Vulc/ulan. Wouldn’t wanna lose geek cred there. Sometimes (ok, usually) an ellipsis is not our friend.

      • lokifire said,

        Is Vulculan a thing?
        (I haven’t got any Trek geek cred, so it’s OK that I’m asking.)

      • Jamin said,

        Vulculan is a word i just made up. Portmanteau of Vulcan and Romulan, since they’re the same base species separated by a few millennia (sic? spell-check isn’t recognizing the word, and i’m not about to use that bastard “millenniums”) and vast distances. Which probably just shows how much Star Trek Geek Cred i have đŸ˜•

  2. Jeremy Vetting said,

    In Hounds of Baskerville Sherlock drives a Land Rover. Not a big thing since Sherlock won anyway.

    • lokifire said,

      Oh, you’re right! I completely forgot … about that episode, because I kind of disliked it.

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