A love letter to Milligan (a character in the books I’m reading to my daughter)

August 22, 2012 at 9:54 am (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , )

Dear Milligan (a character in The Mysterious Benedict Society, the books I’m currently reading to my daughter),

OK, the truth is I got them for myself, but then she got all jealous.
“Mom, are you reading kids’ books? Why are you reading kids’ books without me? Why are you ignoring me? Stop shutting the door in my face. Mom!”

I love you.

Sure, part of it is because everybody else is so damned wholesome and sweet, because you live in a children’s book, but the other part of it is because you are the Batman of said children’s books. Actually, that’s the biggest part of it, because who doesn’t love Batman?

There are many wonderful things about you, from the way you wear disguises while kicking ass to the way you sometimes don’t wear disguises while kicking ass. Also, you seem to be pretty good with kids, which is awesome, because did I mention I’m reading your books to my daughter right now? Also, I’m pretty immature, so there’s that, too.

Oh, and here you are now, looking like a bad drawing of a hobo.

Which is funny, because in my imagination, you look a bit more like this.

Now, I know you’re pretty busy what with going off on your secret spy missions and protecting the group of children under your care and kicking serious ass, but I hope you’d be able to make the time for a candlelit dinner. Or, if not that, maybe we could bomb a warehouse together? I mean an evil warehouse, of course, because lately I’ve been trying to use my powers for good. Or at least mediocrity.

OK, fine, I’m using my powers to cyber-stalk Benedict Cumberbatch.

Anyway, I’m up for a secret mission or two if you are! We could kick so much ass together, or you could, and I could try to stay out of the way and not get hit by any flying debris or murder pencils or whatever.

Seriously, though, what’s up with the bad guys’ murder pencils?

I’ll be waiting to hear from you!



  1. cumberkitty said,

    This one cracks me the eff up because of the cartoon picture then the picture of Batman under it and what you say…HILARIOUS! Love it!!

    • lokifire said,

      Aw, sweetie! I’m glad someone else enjoyed the joke.

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