Pennywise vs. Ronald McDonald

August 30, 2012 at 4:03 pm (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , )

Gaaaaaah!

Clowns!

Physicality. So we’ve got two clowns. One is Pennywise the Clown, the astral projection or something of some ancient evil spawned from the twisted mind of Stephen King. In the television miniseries, he was played by Tim Curry.

Who is scary enough without the makeup and the monster lizard hands.

The other is Ronald McDonald, who will outlive us all.

Outlive us all.
Outlive us all.
Etc.

They both look like clowns. Winner? They both look like clowns.

Wants you to eat a delicious hamburger? Pennywise wants you to die. Die horribly, screaming in pain, terror and possibly a bit of embarrassment over having wet your pants so hard. He does not want you to eat a delicious hamburger. On the other hand, Ronald McDonald is the spokesman for McDonald’s, of hamburger fame. Five Billion Served and all that. Then again, I said “delicious.” Winner? Nobody.

If it looks like a shoe leather, walks like a shoe leather and tastes like a shoe leather, it’s probably a shoe leather.

Has a better name? For a clown, Pennywise is a kind of ridiculous name. It’s probably supposed to harken back to that saying “penny wise, pound foolish,” which kind of sounds more like a diet plan than anything else. Also, it’s not particularly funny, like Fumagalli the Clown or Dimitri. Now that’s funny, right, folks? Ronald McDonald’s first name was chosen probably because it rhymes with McDonald, but at least he was better off than those kids whose parents give them the same last name as their first name, like James James or Henry McHenry. Winner? No one.

I was going to say “Is Fumagalli a clown or a man with a severe, untreated mental illness,” but question answered, I suppose.

Is less evil? Pennywise is an ancient evil, blah blah blah, mentioned it earlier. Ronald McDonald is the spokesman for McDonald’s. Winner? No one. They’re equally evil. Also, they’re clowns, so that makes them equally double evil.

Terrified generations of children? See above.

Terrified generations of adults? See above, wherein you are directed to see even more above.

Overall winner? Nobody, especially us, because we live in a world where such horror continues to exist.

Gahhh! So many clowns up in here!

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