So you’ve met this great guy, and he’s probably the president, but isn’t the president married or something, and also in Washington, DC? So who the hell is this guy you’re dating?
Here’s a helpful little list of 10 items that you can use to find out.
1. Your new boyfriend is probably Muslim, because Obama rhymes with Osama, because that’s a completely logical connection to make.
2. Your new boyfriend is the first black president, except some people say “Well, isn’t he part white, so it doesn’t really count?” so they can feel better about being horrible, horrible racists.
3. Speaking of white, he lives at the White House.
4. With his wife and some amount of children and possibly a pet or two.
5. Your Republican friends are very disapproving of your new boyfriend, because he’s a bleeding-heart liberal and also the president.
6. Especially your friends who own businesses that don’t want to pay for birth control for women.
7. Seriously, if someone could explain to me exactly how being on the pill is the same as abortion, I’d love to hear it. Try it without a crazy rant though.
8. Recently, your boyfriend has suffered a bit of a decline in popularity, but in the end, it turns out most people still like him anyway.
9. Except that guy who writes letters to your newspaper using phrases like “this once great nation.”
10. …And, you know, the one percent.
So to answer your question: No, you’re not dating the president.