Holy God, there’s another one?

November 16, 2012 at 11:07 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, )

I seriously thought we were done with Twilight movies. I truly thought that the series ended when Whatsername married Whatsisname and they had a magical vampire baby.

And they named it Renesmee?
I guess that’s better than “Satin,” but COME ON.

(Also, it kills me that I know some of the plot points of this series, because I’m sure I could be using that part of my brain for something useful instead, like remembering how to calculate the radius of a circle or something.)

Wait, THAT’S the radius? That’s probably easier to figure out than I thought.

So imagine my surprise to learn that another Twilight movie opens this weekend.

I wasn’t, however, surprised to learn that it looks just terrible.

And, I guess, the heroine is a vampire now? And everybody’s fighting bad CGI wolves, because werewolves and vampires are totally enemies, which I always forget, mostly because I don’t care.

Wait, maybe they’re friends now?

(Unfortunately, I’m not using the part of my brain that doesn’t remember that to solve for the area of a triangle or anything.)

Hollywood Hates Me: Now featuring geometry!

The moral of this post is DON’T GO SEE THE LAST TWILIGHT MOVIE. You are only encouraging them. If you go see the last Twilight movie, they will DEFINITELY MAKE 50 SHADES OF GREY INTO A MOVIE and you have no one but yourself and your soccer mom to blame.

Holy God, it’s a trilogy? I hate this world.

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