Things I learned this Thanksgiving

November 23, 2012 at 11:19 am (Top Ten) ()

Here’s a top 10 list, because I like lists.

1. It never seemed possible before, but apparently you CAN screw up green bean casserole.

Like water, this saying applies to green bean casserole as well:
“If it’s black, send it back.”

2. Your cousins will avoid helping with the dishes at any cost.

“Dishes?” your cousins will say. “But I’m too busy never holding a steady job in my entire life to bother with that sort of thing!”

3. Probably because they learned it from their mother.

4. Cousins in low-cut dresses will end up with spit-up on their cleavage.

5. But they deserve it, because they didn’t help with ANY of the cooking or the dishes and just sat there like a lump and played with their sister’s baby, so ha ha, you’ve got baby puke on your boobs.

6.The adult version of Uno is a much longer and more irritating game than the children’s version of Uno. But still not as long as Lord of the Rings Monopoly.

After what seems like an eternity, your father will finally win and you will finally get the cork off the last bottle of wine your family brought.

7. No matter how irritating it is to be the only one helping with the dishes except your mother (Thanks, Mom!), at least you don’t have to make small-talk with your family.

8. Which is especially great news, because that means no one’s asking you when you’re going to marry your child’s father, including him, because he didn’t help with the dishes either.

9. Which is one of the many reasons we’re never getting married, if you were wondering.

10. If your dessert is the least runny, it is, by default, the best one.

Actually, cranberry cake with hot butter sauce is ALWAYS good, but it seems especially good in comparison to the runny pecan and pumpkin pies.

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