It was only inevitable, I guess: a child actor’s decline

December 11, 2012 at 12:57 pm (Whatever happened to ...?) (, )

Huzzah! It’s only two weeks till Christmas! Except for my readers who don’t celebrate Christmas, in which case: Huzzah! It’s only two weeks until Dec. 25!

And to celebrate the 25th of December, I have for you a holiday-themed Whatever happened to…?, featuring the grown-up exploits of Young Flick from A Christmas Story.

The best Christmas movie ever that hasn't got any Muppets in it.

The best Christmas movie ever that hasn’t got any Muppets in it.

Like Whatever happened to…? alum Zack Ward before him … I actually can’t think of a good way to end this sentence because I mostly just wanted an excuse to link back to that post. So read it, and enjoy the nostalgia!

Anyway, Scott “Scottie” Schwartz is the actor who played Flick. So what’s he been up to since his days as the adorable Flick with the goggles and the getting his tongue stuck to metal poles? What’s he been doing since he was such a sweet, innocent, even adorable young boy?

Yes, what CAN it be?

Yes, what CAN it be?

Fine, it’s porn.

But before we get into that, let’s learn more about how Scott Schwartz got into acting in the first place.

Born in 1968, Scotty Schwartz leapt to stardom with a role on some television show called Nurse in 1981. OK, he didn’t really leap to stardom at that point, but it did nudge him in that direction, as his next role was in 1982’s The Toy, a biting modern-day criticism of slavery. Or maybe I’m remembering it wrong. Anyway, it’s the one where the kid actually buys Richard Pryor.

True story: As a child, I didn't realize racism was a thing.

True story: As a child, I didn’t realize racism was a thing.

Which led to A Christmas Story!

The rest of the ’80s were padded out by roles as “That Funny Fat Kid” on Young People’s Specials, which sounds just educational and awful, but could be a children’s sketch comedy show; a role on something called Kidco; actual Afterschool Specials; a TV movie called A Time to Live, which, as you might suspect from the title, is about a child suffering from a terrible illness; Raiders of the Living Dead, which tried to trick people by sounding like it might be Raiders of the Lost Ark, but probably didn’t work; and some other stuff, because I’m tired of listing things.

Now, on to the porn!

Bomp-chicka-Wow-WOW!

Bomp-chicka-Wow-WOW!

With roles in such magnificently-titled pieces of work as Scotty’s X-Rated Adventure, Cafe Flesh 2 and The Wrong Snatch (wait, REALLY?) and also Booby Trap, because The Wrong Snatch isn’t silly enough, our 5’2″ friend even worked as an agent for other porn stars. But by the year 2000, the porn industry had lost its luster, and Scotty Schwartz retired to help manage his father’s sports/movie memorabilia store.

What else do you need to know about Scotty Schwartz? Well, since 2006, he’s been trying to get back into mainstream acting, but the only role listed on his IMDb page since then is as “bartender” in a 2009 film, so I’d hazard a guess that it’s not going as well as he hoped. He also works for some sports card magazine, which is all the information you’re getting about that, because *yawn* sports cards. Also, after Corey Haim’s death, he was the one to list the former star’s belongings on ebay at the Haim family’s request, which reminds me that Corey Haim died. Which is really weird, because Corey Feldman is still alive, and I’d’ve bet good money on him being the first Corey to go.

Oh, come on. You were thinking it too.

Oh, come on. You were thinking it too.

So there you have it. Merry 11th of December, everybody.

... I can't think of a good porn/Christmas joke.

… I can’t think of a good porn/Christmas joke.

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4 Comments

  1. drblah said,

    Utterly depressing, but greatly entertaining post. Thanks for dat info xx

    • lokifire said,

      … but he got to be in PORN!!!
      (OK, yeah, I cried a little once I was done.)

      • drblah said,

        hahahahaha I guess it definitely has its pros and cons

  2. Missing: One Sith Lord. Reward if found | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] he moved on to a job at the mall in high school, which isn’t as depressing as fast food or porn, and then went off to college, where he studied film. Probably because the bullying had stopped by […]

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