Now that you’ve broken up with your last boyfriend, the mad scientist, you’re free to start dating this new fellow that’s been hanging around. He’s jaunty, mysterious, perhaps a bit swarthy (a word I now know what it is). You know what that means? The post title is what that means!
So is your new guy a pirate, or is he, perhaps, not a pirate?
Here’s a handy ten-step list to find out!
1. Does your new boyfriend have a ship? Not a boat, a ship. Rich people and fisherman have boats. Pirates have ships.
2. Does your new boyfriend commit horrifying acts of torture and crime? Oh, good news, then. You’re not dating a movie pirate. You’re dating a real pirate.
3. Does your new boyfriend dress flamboyantly and wear eyeliner? Does he also like musical theater? If he does, you’re not dating a movie pirate, you’re dating a gay stereotype.
4. Does your new boyfriend dress flamboyantly and wear eyeliner? And he doesn’t like musical theater?
5. When your new boyfriend’s around, do people have a hard time not commenting on his: A) peg leg; B) eye patch; C) hook instead of a hand?
6. Does he say Arrrr a lot? Not Arrgghhh, though. If he says Arrgghhh, he’s either an ogre or in some sort of Monty Python sketch.
7. Does your new boyfriend have a parrot? If he lets it sit on his shoulder all the time, you should probably invest in the services of an excellent dry cleaner.
8. Does your new boyfriend spend his time (when he’s not with you, of course) with a ragtag band of merry misfits? Well, he could be Robin Hood, or maybe even Rudolph the Red-Nosed reindeer.
9. Does your new boyfriend spend his time with a ragtag band of merry misfits? On his ship?
10. Does your boyfriend say he’d like to commit, but his first love is the sea? Whoo, boy, does that sound like something a movie pirate would say!
So your boyfriend has a ship, dresses flamboyantly and doesn’t like musical theater, says Arrrr a lot and is missing various body parts. Also he has a parrot and loves the sea more than you.
Then to answer your question: Yes! You are absolutely dating a movie pirate.