Lately, you’ve noticed your life is filled with grammatical errors, punctuation mistakes, poor spelling and way more deviant fetishes than you’re used to. Does that mean you’re trapped in a poorly-written fan fiction?
But to find out for sure, please use this handy guide as a reference.
1. Do you often get the feeling you’re a Mary-Sue type stand-in for someone else? Like, maybe you’re just an average girl with the character trait of “clumsiness” so people won’t think you’re perfect, but all the hot boys in town love you.
2.When people around you talk, do they often resort to overblown romantic cliches? Perhaps they say things like “You are my life now” or “I can’t live in a world where you don’t exist.”
3. Are you having lots of kinky sex? Like, with dinosaurs and stuff?
4. Alternately, are you having, like, no sex, because it’s important to wait? But it’s OK, because then he can watch you while you sleep and stuff, which is really romantic and not stalker-y at all.
5. Do you notice a distinct lack of punctuation when you talk, think or otherwise anything? I guess you could be in one of those “stream-of-consciousness” novels, but those are usually written by writers that can spell.
6. On a related note, how is the spelling in your life? Sure, in everyday life, you’re bound to come across the bad speller here and there, but is, like, everything spelled wrong? Like, you can’t even seem to spell your own name the same way twice in one paragraph? And it’s not even a long paragraph, but a pretty short one?
7. But ignoring all the spelling and punctuation errors in fan fiction that drive me nuts, have you noticed another staple of a bad fanfic? That is, random characters showing up that have nothing to do with your life? Like, say, you live in Twin Peaks, and all of a sudden Bilbo Baggins shows up. With a velociraptor.
8. Or do people who would never ever have sex with each other start having sex with each other? Because that happens a lot in fan fiction, which is why slash fiction exists.
9. Perhaps you’ve noticed people wearing tee-shirts extolling the virtues of the poorly-written fan fiction you’re trapped in. Don’t they realize you’re suffering?
10. Seriously, though, do you have a hard time telling if you’re trapped in a poorly-written fan fiction or if you’re just a character in Twilight? Eh, let’s split the difference. You’re probably trapped in 50 Shades of Grey.