I don’t actually care about the Evil Dead remake

April 5, 2013 at 10:45 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , )

Now, I know a lot of Evil Dead fans are up in arms about the Evil Dead remake.

Or up in chainsaw arms! Ha ha ha!

Or up in chainsaw arms! Ha ha ha!

But the thing they don’t remember is that there are three movies in the Evil Dead series and the best, by far, is Evil Dead 2. (Shut up, Army of Darkness lovers. It’s good! It’s just not as good as Evil Dead 2, which is one of the best movies ever.)

Gah! It's legs!(Seriously, though, what's up with the remake's stupid poster?)

Gah! It’s legs!
(Seriously, though, what’s up with the remake’s stupid poster?)

So who cares if there’s a completely unnecessary Evil Dead remake? Everything’s got completely unnecessary remakes nowadays. Hell! Even Psycho has a prequel television series, like: Fecking seriously? A Psycho prequel television series? And before Psycho had a wholly unnecessary prequel television series, it had a wholly unnecessary remake that was supposed to be an “homage” to the original Hitchcock film.

Why couldn't we have just re-released the original in theaters and called it a day?

Why couldn’t we have just re-released the original in theaters and called it a day?

WHATEVER!

"You killed my father, etc., etc."

“You killed my father, etc., etc.”

The important thing to keep in mind is that the existence of the Evil Dead remake is like the existence of that ridiculously useless The Thing prequel. They’re both stupid and useless and, unless you’re in some sort of hostage situation, no one is forcing you to watch them EVER.

"Just kill me instead!"

“Just kill me instead!”

Also, you still need to remember that Evil Dead 2 is the best one, and save your anger for when they remake that.

Because you know Hollywood will never allow that many hillbilly characters in a room together ever again.

Because you know Hollywood will never allow that many hillbilly characters in a room together ever again.

Because nothing could ever compare to the original.

Nothing.

Nothing.

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4 Comments

  1. brikhaus said,

    Good points all around, except Army of Darkness is the best one.

    • lokifire said,

      We’ll just have to agree to disagree on that.
      EVIL DEAD 2! EVIL DEAD 2!

      • brikhaus said,

        Dead by dawn! Dead by dawn!

      • lokifire said,

        Hee!
        I just rewatched it last month, and now I want to watch it again!

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