What’s better than watching one car, slightly bigger than another, run over the smaller one?
But this fictional character battle between two sentient cars comes mighty damn close, I’m sure. (You did know that Christine and KITT were cars, right?)
Let’s get this battle on the road!
Physicality. Christine is a 1958 Plymouth Fury. That’s pretty hot.
KITT is a 1982 Pontiac Trans Am. (For the sake of argument, we’re going to pretend the attempted Knight Rider reboot doesn’t exist, because, GAH, it was terrible.) That’s pretty hot too.
But not as hot as a 1958 Plymouth Fury. Damn, girl. Winner? Christine.
Can talk? KITT can talk, because he is a talking car. Actually, I think KITT is a computer program that can talk that was installed in a car, but Knight Rider was on when I was, like, an infant, so I’m not too clear on the details except for MAGIC TALKING CAR WHOOOOOO. Christine can’t talk, which is probably good, because can you imagine the terrible things she would say? Winner? KITT.
Will straight-up murder you? Since my parents let me watch Knight Rider as a wee child, I can only assume that the violence was pretty PG-rated, like maybe Michael Knight punched a few guys once in a while, or someone tried to run KITT off the road as he made some sort of clever quip because MAGIC TALKING CAR WHOOOOO. Christine, on the other hand, is the main car-acter (Haaaaa, seriously, though, that was terrible. Never allow me to do that again) in a Stephen King novel, which means OF COURSE SHE WILL STRAIGHT-UP MURDER YOU. Winner? Christine.
Has a cooler owner? I’m not sure if Michael Knight owned KITT or stole him or borrowed him or what, because I was a small child and he was A MAN WHO DIDN’T EXIST. But for our purposes here, we’ll call him an “owner,” why not. Anyway, together, he and KITT the MAGIC TALKING CAR WHOOOOO fought crimes (or possibly committed crimes) and wore a lot of black. Also, he probably had some 1980s style sunglasses, because of course he did. That’s pretty cool.
Christine’s owner was an evil old man and then, later, a zit-faced teenager who got haunted by the evil old man. That’s not very cool at all. Winner? KITT.
Can magically repair itself? I realize I’ve been referring to KITT and Christine as him and her, because one’s a boy car and the other’s a lady car, but they’re technically machines. And machines shouldn’t be able to repair themselves. I mean, I don’t think they can. Who knows what scientists have gotten up to nowadays, other than inventing monstrosities that shouldn’t be.
But with magic, whooo! Anything’s possible. Especially when you live in a Stephen King novel. Winner? Christine.
Welp, I’ve run out of categories. Yup. Also, the boss is due back soon.
Overall winner? Christine, because I don’t want the haunted car mad at me.