Signs of the impending robot apocalypse

May 3, 2013 at 10:55 am (Top Ten) (, )

I used to think that we’d all be killed off in a zombie apocalypse, but it’s become clear that our desire for technology has far outpaced our necromancy skills. Which means that robots is going to kill us all, just like Bender says.

Here’s a list of how, and why.

1. The Cars that Can Park Themselves. Because once cars can park themselves, it’s one short stop to killing/enslaving humanity.

"First this parking spot; next: the world!"

“First: this parking spot; next: the world!”

2.Vacuum cleaner robots.  Because vacuum cleaner robots, that’s why.

Even if it does look like a harmless little CD player. ("Mom, what's a CD player?" says half the internet.)

Even if it does look like a harmless little CD player.
(“Mom, what’s a CD player?” says half the internet.)

3. That creepy baby robot that Japan made because Japan hates everything that is good and holy, ever. Yeah, that’s pretty much all I have to say about that.

OH GOD THEY'RE FEEDING THAT REAL BABY TO IT NOOOOO.

OH GOD THEY’RE FEEDING THAT REAL BABY TO IT NOOOOO.

4. Our increasing reliance on smartphones. You know that’s what they want.

Or maybe it's just because I'm jealous that my smartphone knows more than me?

Damn smartphones. Think you’re so smart.

5.The gigantic robot spiders. Seriously, really, Japan?

Really?

REALLY?

6. The Japanese robot actroid, because it now has “no fear of crowds.STOP MAKING ME PICK YOU, JAPAN.

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Wait, hold on a sec. *breathes in* GAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wait, hold on a sec.
*breathes in*
GAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

7. The Japanese robot suit because it was created by Cyberdyne BECAUSE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, JAPAN?

"That's right, foolish humans. Tempt fate, why not."

“That’s right, foolish humans. Tempt fate, why not.”

8. Shiri, because a robot that is a butt that is called “butt (shiri)” probably wants nothing more than revenge for being brought into the world. Goddammit, Japan, WHY?

Please stop molesting the robotic butt.

Please stop molesting the robotic butt.

9. CB2. Because CB2 haunts my dreams.

Insert continuous terrified screaming here.

Insert continuous terrified screaming here.

10. Oh, and good news: Ropits, the car that can DRIVE ITSELF THEY’RE COMING FOR US OH GOD.

At least the robot apocalypse will be adorable, I guess.

At least the robot apocalypse will be adorable, I guess.

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