Not a fan of scary masks

June 7, 2013 at 10:19 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, )

Right, then. The Purge.

There's some kind of bulimia joke in here, but it'll take a better writer than I to make it.

There’s some kind of bulimia joke in here, but it’ll take a better writer than I to make it.

Set in a future somewhere between dystopia and utopia (so, just “the future,” then, I guess), America has become a magical wonderland filled with unicorns and candy because one night a year, crime is legal. Also, there’s no unicorns and hardly any candy.

"What happened to all the candy?"

“What happened to all the candy?”

Future Ethan Hawke, who looks like he could stand to gain a few pounds, lives with his family in a big fancy house with lots of security. They love The Purge, because no one has ever killed them during it. Also, I have to wonder, if all crime is legal one night a year, couldn’t one of Ethan Hawke’s employees, like, totally embezzle all the moneys from his nice security business and he couldn’t do anything about it?

Anyway, logic aside, Ethan Hawke (who is seriously looking pretty skeletal) and his creepy family (I mean, come on! Look at that little boy! Creepy!) are locked up safe and sound in their house when one of the kids grows a conscience or something, and lets a guy in to safety.

I think it's the dead eyes, like a haunted doll's.

I think it’s the dead eyes, like a haunted doll’s.

Then the murderous thugs show up in scary masks because of course the murderous thugs show up in scary masks.

Of course, because all crime is legal that night, I can only assume they're wearing scary masks so the next day, they won't have to put up with their neighbors going: "Oh, Helen, your lipstick last night when you were murdering that innocent man was so gauche!"

Of course, because all crime is legal that night, I can only assume they’re wearing scary masks so the next day, they won’t have to put up with their neighbors going: “Oh, Helen, your lipstick last night when you were murdering that innocent man was so gauche!”

And one of Ethan Hawke’s creepy children says “Things will never be all right again,” like, maybe this didn’t occur to you before in your nice house, but lots of people are getting killed out there, so at least your creepy little brother was being proactive and not a sociopath.

In the end, it looks like the murderous thugs in scary masks get into their house and probably they get killed or do some killing, I don’t know, and why won’t someone feed Ethan Hawke a cheeseburger?

"I'm so terribly hungry."

“I’m so terribly hungry.”

So The Purge is either some kind of failed social commentary or just a scary movie with a lame premise. It’s hard to be sure.

Meh, it's probably both.

Meh, it’s probably both.

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1 Comment

  1. Let’s Purge again, like we did last summer | Hollywood Hates Me said,

    […] it seems like it was just last year that The Purge came out and … oh, it was last […]

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