Bear Grylls is a wicked, wicked man

July 9, 2013 at 12:56 pm (Randomosity) (, , , , )

So, sandwiched in between American Ninja Warrior and Siberia (which wasn’t as funny as last week, but still had the fakest amputated finger EVER and a two-toed giant horror monster print) is a little show called Get Out Alive with Bear Grylls.

I have to assume Bear Grylls is a pseudonym.

I have to assume that “Bear Grylls” is a pseudonym.

Anyway, Get Out Alive takes a bunch of regular people (semi-regular? An over-large quantity of them seemed to have been in car wrecks recently, or had loved ones fall down the stairs, bad) and drags them into the big, bad outdoors to rough it like they’ve never roughed it before.

I suspect everyone entered because they wanted to impress him.

I suspect everyone entered because they wanted to impress him and/or ask him to prom.

And it’s terrible. Oh, God, it’s the most horrible thing I’ve ever seen. First, there’s dead-deer carving, and then there’s fish-eyeball eating and then there’s your-own-urine drinking and then I missed the rest because I was too busy vomiting my guts up to watch.

Bear Grylls, meanwhile, was busy putting his fingers together and declaring the entire state of affairs to be excellent.

Bear Grylls, meanwhile, was busy putting his fingers together and declaring the entire state of affairs to be excellent.

Yeah, so, I’m sure this is a wonderful show for people who are into wilderness adventures (or, more precisely, into watching other people have wilderness adventures), but I highly recommend you don’t watch it because OH GOD PEOPLE HAD TO DRINK THEIR OWN URINE IT WAS THE WORST GAAAHHHHHHH.

Nobody was smiling like this after drinking pee.

Nobody was smiling like this after drinking pee.

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