How can giant robots seem so disappointing?

July 12, 2013 at 11:16 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

When I first saw a trailer for Pacific Rim and saw the name Guillermo del Toro, I thought: “Huh. How strange. I could have sworn that was the director of Pan’s Labyrinth. But this movie is clearly not by the same director, because it looks like poo on a stick.” (Thoughts edited so as to be suitable for all ages.) But then I checked and it is the same director and I thought: “Huh. Did he suffer a traumatic brain injury or something that completely altered his personality? Because, seriously, Pacific Rim looks terrible.” (Please assume all thoughts have been edited of swearing.)

"Son of a clap-ridden prostitute, does this look craptacular!"

“Son of a clap-ridden prostitute, does this look craptacular!”

And doesn’t Pacific Rim look terrible, though? The only thing good about it is the inclusion of Ron Perlman, which you could say is the only good thing about our existence on this earth. Well, him and bacon, I guess.

I couldn't find any pictures of Ron Perlman WITH bacon, which is good, I suppose, because the universe might have collapsed under the combined awesomeness.

I couldn’t find any pictures of Ron Perlman WITH bacon, which is good, I suppose, because the universe might have collapsed under the combined awesomeness.

But, ugh! Every time I see a trailer for Pacific Rim, it looks terribler and terribler. Like, the giant robots and the Gojira monsters don’t even look good! And Guillermo del Toro sounds so happy in interviews, like he’s reviving the Kaiju movie style, and you just want to pull him aside and say: “No, no, Guillermo. This isn’t the way to do that. This isn’t the way.”

Not the way, Mr. del Toro. Not the way.

Not the way, Mr. del Toro. Not the way.

 

Have you considered, I don't, maybe making a film about a TORNADO WITH SHARKS?

Have you considered, I don’t, maybe making a film about a TORNADO WITH SHARKS?

 

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