Why was he called “Old Creepy,” I wonder

September 19, 2013 at 9:48 am (Things I Want) (, , , , , )

I want my Alvin Karpis biography to arrive, like, now.

It says "autobiography," but it was almost certainly ghost-written.

Technically, “autobiography,” but whatever.

Of all the Depression-era criminals, I find him and Harry “Handsome Harry” “Pete” Pierpont to be the most interesting, but hardly anybody writes books about not Dillinger.

"Handsome Harry" Pierpont: Pictured on the left, plotting your death.

“Handsome Harry” Pierpont: Pictured on the right, plotting your death.

Luckily for me, Alvin Karpis, “Old Creepy” himself, wrote a book about not Dillinger! I’m so excited!

What new, torrid secrets will be revealed?

"My barber was blind."

“My barber was blind.”

How did he hook up with the Barker gang?

Thus altering destiny by forever changing the gang's name to the "Barker-Karpis Gang."

Thus altering destiny by forever changing the gang’s name to the “Barker-Karpis Gang.”

Why did he have a 16-year-old (ewwwww) girlfriend?

"You should be asking: 'Why did I have a 26-year-old boyfriend?'"

“You should be asking: ‘Why did I have a 26-year-old boyfriend?'”

What was it like being the longest-serving inmate at Alcatraz?

"Oh, you know. Terrible."

“Oh, you know. Terrible.”

I’m just SO EXCITED.

I also highly recommend reading "Public Enemies," which does have a lot about Dillinger, because who doesn't love Dillinger, and also comes with this lovely cover featuring Johnny "Hotter than Dillinger" Depp.

I also highly recommend reading “Public Enemies,” which does have a lot about Dillinger, because who doesn’t love Dillinger, and also comes with this lovely cover featuring Johnny “Hotter than Dillinger” Depp.

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