Yea, another Marvel movie! About Thor!

November 8, 2013 at 3:27 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , )

Thor 2: The Dark World starts out by reminding us that Loki exists. He’s in prison, apparently, and not a cave beneath the earth where a serpent drips venom on his face all the time, so he’s obviously going to be escaping soon.

Also, Tom Hiddleston is totally a heart throb now, which, yeah, is something I can totally get behind.

Also, Tom Hiddleston is totally a heart throb now, which, yeah, is something I can totally get behind.

Then it reminds us that Thor exists, which is great news for the shampoo makers of the world, because how does he keep his hair so shiny?

"The blood of virgins."

“The blood of virgins.”

After that, it reminds us that Natalie Portman’s character exists and she’s in love with Thor, which is silly, because I’m pretty sure all the girls are into Loki nowadays, especially since he doesn’t seem so damn high-maintenance, like, Hey, Thor, stop brushing your pretty, pretty hair and let’s have a conversation why not?

"Um, sure. What should we talk about? Hammers? Would you like to talk about hammers?"

“Um, sure. What should we talk about? Hammers? Would you like to talk about hammers?”

Also, for some reason, Natalie Portman’s character slaps Loki because she’s supposed to be the representative of humanity or something and mad about whatever Loki did in The Avengers, but, seriously, can you really slap a trickster god without suffering horrifying consequences? Safe money says no.

He's a god and you're a mortal. Don't you go slapping my namesake.

He’s a god and you’re a mortal. Don’t you go slapping my namesake.

Then there’s ‘splosions and fighting and Thor standing around shirtless and Natalie Portman floating into the air and looking scared and Sif shows up and I can’t remember when that many attractive people and fight scenes all looked so paint-by-numbers boring, omigod.

Yet we're all going to go see it, of course.

Yet we’re all going to go see it, of course.

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2 Comments

  1. brikhaus said,

    I can’t tell if you saw the movie or not. I wish Marvel would just go ahead and give us their Loki solo movie already. Not that I want one. I don’t give two fucks about Loki. But clearly Marvel has a raging boner for him. He’s in practically everything these days.

    • lokifire said,

      Ha! No, I never go to the movies. I’m poor and anti-social, and the nearest movie theater is over a half an hour away….
      But yeah, what’s Marvel’s deal with Loki? Tom Whatsisname is no Benedict Cumberbatch, as far as I can tell.

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