Digging too deeply: Love You Like a Love Song

November 18, 2013 at 11:02 am (I Overanalyze Song Lyrics) ()

Today, I start a new feature on this blog. The reason for this new feature is because lately I’ve realized I never go anywhere or do anything or watch much on TV (except for Brooklyn Nine Nine, which is pretty funny), so there’s no pop culture stuff for me to make fun of.

Except pop music.

Gods, there’s pop music everywhere.

So I’ve decided to check out the lyrics to songs, (over)analyze them and share the process with you all. I’m sure this is a completely original idea that nobody else on the Internet is doing (mostly because I refuse to check), and that you will love it.

You. Will. Love. It.

And so we begin with that modern classic: Selena Gomez’s “Love You Like a Love Song.”

She looks like a drunken disco ball in a field here.

She looks like a drunken disco ball in a field here.

It’s been said and done
Every beautiful thought’s been already sung
And I guess right now here’s another one
So your melody will play on and on, with the best of ’em
You are beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible
A sinful, miracle, lyrical
You’ve saved my life again
And I want you to know baby

So, right from the start here, Selena Gomez is lamenting that “every beautiful thought’s been already sung,” that it’s all been “said and done.”

What we have, folks, is a classic case of … crap. What’s that word when you don’t think you’ll ever measure up to what Mommy wanted for you? Anyway, this singer is deeply, deeply in love, but she knows that she just doesn’t have the vocabulary to express her feelings. And when she does try to use her own words she comes up with nonsense like “A sinful, miracle, lyrical,” which is nice because it rhymes, but is terrible because MOMMY WILL NEVER LOVE YOU IF YOU WRITE LYRICS LIKE THAT.

I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby
I, I love you like a love song, baby

And I keep hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

By the time we hit the chorus, it seems like our lyricist has given up on trying to impress Mommy and her lover, and just hopes she can get her emotions across if she uses the word “love” repeatedly, and also hits the second syllable of “repeat” repeatedly. It’s safe to assume, at this point, that our singer has a learning disability, but she really enjoys love songs.

And hula hooping!

And hula hooping!

(As an aside, the chorus repeats itself a SECOND TIME, but I won’t even make you read the lyrics a second time because they’re just that terrible.)

Constantly, boy you play through my mind like a symphony
There’s no way to describe what you do to me
You just do to me, what you do
And it feels like I’ve been rescued
I’ve been set free
I am hypnotized by your destiny
You are magical, lyrical, beautiful
You are… And I want you to know baby

The second verse swoops in and we see now that our singer has, in addition to a learning disability and probable Mommy issues, Damsel-in-Distress Syndrome. “It feels like I’ve been rescued,” she claims. “I’ve been set free.” Set free from what, she doesn’t say. We can only assume it’s a loveless life, her mother, or that he’s been tutoring her in his free time, and she’s finally getting passing grades in school. She continues on that she is “hypnotized by (his) destiny,” which seems nonsensical, but implies that she can see the future and in the future, they are happy together forever. She goes on to say “You are … And I want you to know baby,” which then leads into the chorus again, causing the critical thinker to wonder: what IS he? She wants him to know, but she can’t bring herself to say it. It’s mysterious! It’s a mystery!

We’re skipping the chorus and moving right into the bridge!

No one compares
You stand alone, to every record I own
Music to my heart that’s what you are
A song that goes on and on

The bridge shows us a girl who either lives in the 1950s or is a hipster, because she’s still listening to records. She wants her lover to know he’s better than “every record (she) own(s),” which is a nice sentiment, but probably makes him wonder why she doesn’t have an MP3 player.

And why she's dressed like a crazed Mozart.

And why she’s dressed like a crazed Mozart.

And then, the kicker: She describes her lover as “a song that goes on and on” before cleverly moving back into the chorus, which is one of the most repetitive pieces of music (?) you’ll ever experience in your life. Reminding him that she “love(s) (him) like a love song.” And that she keeps “hitting re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat.”

Basically, this song is a brilliant analysis of the condition of a teenaged girl with some form of language disorder trying to express her feelings to her lover, trying to free herself from the bonds of a disapproving mother and trying to impress us with her record collection.

Truly, a classic for the ages.

Pictured here: Classic.

Pictured here: Classic.

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2 Comments

  1. Doc Blue said,

    It’s even more amusing, considering that she could have said “A sinful, lyrical miracle” and had a line that actually made sense. I mean, who even wrote this song, a mindless corporate machine? Oh, wait . . . .

    • lokifire said,

      Heh.
      Tragically, my 9-year-old daughter thinks it’s brilliant.
      I blame her father for that.

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