Dear Finn (the human),
Omigod you are so cute I love you SQUEEEEEE!
I apologize for the squeeing and the lack of punctuation, but it’s just that you are so cute omigod I just love you.
Now, I know there are plenty of competitors for your (oh so adorable) hand, like all those princesses you keep rescuing, and possibly that vampire girl and maybe some ladies I’m not thinking of right now. But I don’t think they love you the way I do, which is a way that involves ever so much squeeing.
(Although, now that I think about it, the Hot Dog Princess does seem like the type who would squee all over the place.)
Anyway, Finn, I love you because you are just SO CUTE with your little short pants and your cute little animal hat (what kind of animal is that? A white beaver?) and your fluffy blond hair that’s hiding under your cute little animal hat and also, you don’t have a nose.
Also, I adore your pure heart and your courage and your love for your friends. And how your roommate/best friend is a talking, magical dog. That’s just CUTE.
I also love it when you stab monsters with your sword, or kick them in the shins, and I think my favorite thing about you of all is when you get impotently angry and start screaming and flailing and nothing happens, just like in the real world.
Oh, Finn, I just love you SO MUCH.
And if you ever get sick of hanging out with princesses and magic dogs and zombies, and just want to kick it with another human, let me know.
I’ll be waiting!