Frozen is OK, I guess

December 16, 2013 at 1:05 pm (Randomosity) (, , , , )

So this weekend, it was someone’s birthday, and as a good whatever to someone, I took her to see Frozen, because little someones love Disney and Disney princesses and the color pink.

12 million little girls just died of happiness.

12 million little girls just died of happiness.

Anyway, there were two really great things about Frozen. The first is that some of the animation was really gorgeous. The second is that HOLY GOD IDINA MENZEL HAS AN AMAZING VOICE. Every time she sings, it’s all like, whoa. It’s like that because her voice is so amazing you get all stupid for a minute, and all you can do is say “Whoooaaa.”

And then you see the woman and your brain just, you know, stops working completely.

AND OMIGOD HAVE YOU SEEN THIS WOMAN? WHOOOOOAAAA.

There were also some less awesome things about Frozen, like WHAT IS DISNEY’S DEAL WITH WOLVES, ANYWAY? There’s seriously a scene where the town has been frozen over for, at most, six hours, and our heroes are attacked by a wolf pack, because wolves always attack people, and especially in packs, and never when they’re starving. DAMMIT DISNEY, do you all own ranches or something?

Pictured here: A horrific killer who will stop at nothing until it has buried its teeth in your throat and also the throats of all your family.

Pictured here: A horrific killer who will stop at nothing until it has buried its teeth in your throat and also the throats of all your family.

Also, there’s a last-minute personality switcheroo that frees up our heroine to pick her other love interest, because God knows she couldn’t possibly dump a nice guy just because she’s in love with someone else. Also because it can’t be a Disney movie without a villain, I guess, even though they could have totally made the ending work without having Character Name Redacted, Even Though I Gave It Away With The Whole Love Interest Thing turning evil, but whatever. Easier.

Eh, whatever. It's Prince Hans. He's secretly evil.

Eh, whatever. It’s Prince Hans. He’s secretly evil.

And the living snowman guy was cute at times, but mostly annoying, but every single little someone in the audience thought he was the best thing ever, so what do I know about what kids like, I guess.

Less than dancing snowmen, apparently.

Less than dancing snowmen, apparently.

So, yeah, Frozen is totally worth seeing because I cannot say enough how awesome Idina Menzel is, and also Veronica Mars does a nice job, even if she is going by “Kristen Bell” nowadays, but I just want to warn you that it is nothing like The Snow Queen, but little kids don’t care because who reads fairy tales nowadays anyway?

Thank God Arthur Rackham didn't live to see this day.

Thank God Arthur Rackham didn’t live to see this day.

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3 Comments

  1. Doc Blue said,

    God, that fucking snowman. I couldn’t even make it through the trailers because of him.

    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, he’s pretty wretched, but the children just laughed and laughed.

      • Mori said,

        That’s because kids have no taste and, instead of attempting to cultivate good senses of humor in their viewers, Disney instead chooses to feed off that. I kept waiting for a fart joke.

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