I was at the dentist this morning for a cleaning (no cavities! Whoooo!), and they had satellite radio playing, and I heard this song, which is possibly the stupidest song I’ve ever heard, using sea battle as a metaphor for love. Actually, as a simile, I guess, because he says “we love like battleships.” He goes on to say: “Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom.”
Because this is seriously the stupidest song ever.
Anyway, here’s a list of other stupid things that could be used as a metaphor for love, but probably not as stupid as battleships, because, MY GOD, this song is so stupid.
1. Dental work, why not. “Our love is like the popcorn kernel stuck in my gums that flossing won’t get out.”
2. Collecting stamps. “I love you like that rare upside-down print butterfly from 1943. Baby.”
3. Checkers. “I jump you, you jump me, I’m the king of your heart. Also: Baby.”
4. Stir-frying. “You love me like noodles frying in the wok, and then I put some green peppers in there. Oh, yeah.”
5. Ancient Edo. “Baby, it’s all like bushido and samurai when I look at you, and maybe some ninja too.”
6. Jump-roping. “Let’s just recycle that checkers lyric mostly, all right?”
7. Life-guarding. “You’re like the girl drowning in the ocean, and I’m like the lifeguard, jumping in to rescue you, because that’s love, baby, that’s love.”
8. The Karate Kid. “Wax on, wax off, love, love, love.”
9. A carnival. “Sometimes we’re the ferris wheel, kissing up on top. Other times, we’re the roller coaster, because, you know, love has its ups and downs.”
10. Bass drums. “Boom, ba-boom, boom, ba-boom, boom, boom.”