So you think you’re dating someone with ice powers: A modern teen’s guide

September 4, 2014 at 10:15 am (Top Ten) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Man, that’s a long post title.

Anyway, recently, you’ve noticed your significant other seems to be displaying some sort of ice-related powers. First off, that’s really cool! (Ha, ha, get it? Do you get it? It was a joke! Do you get it?) Secondly, which ice-powered superbeing could your significant other be?

Let’s find out, via the power of making a list!

Yea, lists!

Yea!

Yea!

1. Elsa from Frozen. Let’s just get her out of the way, shall we? If you’re dating Elsa from Frozen, you’re dating an icy blonde with anime eyes and an inferiority complex THIS BIG.

She's also got a hot sister, but hands off, you know?

She’s also got a hot sister, but hands off, you know?

2. The Ice King. If you’re dating Adventure Time’s The Ice King, then you’re a princess! Good for you.

And he's a musician ... ladies.

And he’s a musician … ladies.

3. The Snow Queen. More royalty! Just be careful, because, like the Blondie song, she’s got a heart of … wait, what is that song, anyway?

This is a picture of the Snow Queen from Fables. You should read Fables.

This is a picture of the Snow Queen from Fables. You should read Fables.

4. Mr. Freeze. Prepare yourself for cold-related puns or a tragic backstory. It really depends on which continuity you’re in.

"Whatcha doing, honey?" "Oh, just chilling."

“Whatcha doing, honey?”
“Oh, just chilling.”

5. Iceman. The X-Men’s Iceman seems like he would be a nice boy to take home to meet your parents, unless they have some sort of anti-mutant bigotry thing going on.

"Why is your boyfriend naked?" -- Your parents

“Why is your boyfriend naked?” — Your parents

6. Jack Frost. The personification of winter, before Hans Christian Anderson came along and was all: “Winter is obviously a girl, and a mean one, der!”, if you’re dating Jack Frost, and he asks you if you’re chilly, just say no.

Same goes for if he asks: "Do these pants make me look fat?"

Same goes for if he asks: “Do these pants make me look fat?”

7. Storm. Not only does Storm have snow and ice powers, she could also make a balmy day so the two of you could enjoy a relaxing picnic together. That’s nice.

Although leather gets pretty sweaty, so she might stick with snow, thank you very much.

Although leather gets pretty sweaty, so she might stick with snow, thank you very much.

8. Yuki-Onna. Oh, right, the Japanese also think Winter is a lady, but at least she’s beautiful.

Unlike other snow queens, yuki onna is always a brunette.

Unlike other snow queens, yuki onna is always a brunette.

9. Santa Claus. Santa Claus has snow powers, right?

"Sure, baby, sure."

“Sure, baby, sure.”

10. Elijah Snow. Whoa, whoa, buddy. If you’re dating Elijah Snow, you are stepping ALL OVER my territory. That’s just not cool. (It’s a joke, do you get it? Ha ha!) Seriously, though, stay away from my boy Elijah, or I will end you.

I'll always love you, Elijah Snow!

I’ll always love you, Elijah Snow!

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2 Comments

  1. brikhaus said,

    Finally, a comprehensive list of people with snow/ice powers on the Internet. This has been a long time coming.

    • lokifire said,

      I figured we needed it. I don’t know how the world managed without it.

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