Gunter vs. The Penguin

September 9, 2014 at 2:24 pm (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , )

One is a magical penguin from Adventure Time.

... who plays the keyboards!

… who plays the keyboard!

The other is a guy who looks like a Penguin from the pages of your favorite Batman comics.

Your favorite Batman comics. My favorites are Grant Morrison titles.

Your favorite Batman comics. My favorites are Grant Morrison titles.

Which one’s better? Eh, it’s obviously the magical penguin, because penguins are soooo cute, and magic is really great!

Photographic evidence: Penguins are soooo cute.

Photographic evidence: Penguins are soooo cute.

But let’s try for a semblance of fairness here.

On to the battle!

Physicality. Gunter is a penguin. As previously mentioned, penguins are soooo cute. Cartoon penguins are also extremely cute. Gunter is a magical cartoon penguin, and he is soooo cute! The Penguin, on the other hand, isn’t a penguin at all, but a man who wears tuxedos and/or resembles a penguin. That’s not so cute. Winner? Gunter, the adorable magical cartoon penguin. So cute!

So many Gunters!

So many Gunters!

Eviler? The Penguin is a Batman villain and, as such, is evil. And who can blame him, really, after being born a grotesque freak who resembles a mad penguin — wouldn’t anyone turn their rage on a cruel and unloving God and a cruel and unloving world? Then again, Gunter the adorable magical penguin once met a soul-sucking demon who declared Gunter to be the most evil being he had ever come across. Look, folks, if a soul-sucking demon tells you you’re evil, you are so evil. Winner? Gunter.

Also, he steals jewels.

Also, he steals jewels.

A more dapper dresser? The penguin wears tuxedos. That’s pretty dapper. Gunter usually goes around naked, as penguins do, but once he wore a skirt made of socks. It was really cute. Gunter is really cute.

So cute!

So cute!

Winner? The Penguin.

Dapper!

Dapper!

Has a better arch-nemesis? As a resident of the magical land of Ooo, when Gunter acts up, he gets schooled by Finn the Human and Jake the Dog. I wouldn’t really call them his arch-nemeses, though. The Penguin, like all other Batman villains, has a pretty badass nemesis in Batman. Winner? The Penguin.

Is magical? Gunter the adorable magical penguin is magical! Glory be! Winner? Gunter.

Well, sometimes he's magical.

Well, sometimes he’s magical.

Lives in a post-apocalyptic world? The magical land of Ooo was built upon the crumbling remains of an empire that spanned a continent, and was possibly America. You don’t get much more post-apocalyptic than that. Gunter lives in Ooo, and also the best children’s cartoon ever, you should totally watch it. The Penguin lives in Gotham City, which is maybe New York, maybe not, but definitely pre- to mid-apocalypse rather than post-. Winner? Gunter, the magical penguin, who is totally one of my favorites.

The fun part is counting the weapons of mass destruction in the opening credits sequence.

The fun part is counting the weapons of mass destruction in the opening credits sequence.

Has a cooler attack? Gunter likes pushing glass bottles onto the ground so they break, and also sometimes pecking at you with his hideous penguin beak.

Bad penguin! Bad!

Bad penguin! Bad!

The Penguin likes strapping bombs to penguins, or maybe stabbing you with his umbrella. Winner? The Penguin, I guess, even though murdering penguins is terrible, at least his attack is more terrifying than, you know, breaking glass bottles.

Overall winner? As predicted, Gunter, the adorable magical evil penguin wins it all! Hooray! Hooray for Gunter!

Also, Gunter is probably a lady penguin, because he laid an egg.

Also, Gunter is probably a lady penguin, because he laid an egg.

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2 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    This may be your greatest fictional character battle ever. Gunter really is the best.

    • lokifire said,

      I do love me some Gunter.

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