Lots o’ movies, lookin’ terrible

October 10, 2014 at 9:37 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , )

There are several movies opening at my local theaters this week.

One is Alexander and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day, which is cute as a children’s book, but really probably didn’t need to be extended into a full-length movie.

Good news! A google search of "Alexander and the Terrible Horrible Etc. movie" will pull up articles and images, so you don't have to type the whole damn thing out.

Good news! A google search of “Alexander and the Terrible Horrible Etc. movie” will pull up articles and images, so you don’t have to type the whole damn thing out.

Another is Dracula Untold, which did anyone else know this existed? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? This is seriously the first I’ve heard of it. It sounds also very terrible. Listen to this: “An encounter with a foul demon offers Vlad a deal that would give him superhuman powers and a fighting chance to save his people. But the Faustian bargain comes with a terrible penalty — one that may curse to prince to dwell in darkness for all time, feeding on human blood and destroying everything he holds dear.”

"Actually, the untold truth is: I'm Batman."

“Actually, the untold truth is: I’m Batman.”

Another is The Judge…

Unrelated, but I assume the kind of people who name a gun "The Judge" are the kind of people who shoot first and ask questions later.

Unrelated, but I assume the kind of people who name a gun “The Judge” are the kind of people who shoot first and ask questions later.

…which stars Robert Downey Jr. and Robert Duvall, and I’m sure is very impressive and wonderful and absolutely not my cup of tea at all, so let’s move on to the last movie:

Meet the Mormons, which has the misfortune of sounding less like the documentary it is and more like a Meet the Parents prequel.

... with an ad campaign that makes it look like a terrible network reality show.

… with an ad campaign that makes it look like a terrible network reality show.

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3 Comments

  1. michaelampersant said,

    If I may specifically relate to the blurb on Dracula untold…this sounds like the average passage from any YA (“Young Adult”) book blurb. Yes, the world have come to this, if if hasn’t been there all the time (the world).

    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, YA books have gotten pretty terrible lately. Also movies. So sad!

  2. michaelampersant said,

    I mean, “has” come to this.

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