Modern teens should love silent films and silent film stars more, don’t you think? That way, they’d know for sure if you’re dating one of these fabulous superstars of the 1920s:
1. Is your girlfriend known as “The Girl with Beestung Lips”? People in the ’20s came up with terrible nicknames, didn’t they? Anyway, Mae Murray was a super-famous movie star for several years and, if you ever asked her, she would insist she was always and would always be a super-famous movie star, even when she was sleeping on a park bench. Poor Mae Murray.
2. Does your boyfriend get mocked mercilessly by jealous journalists? Then you’re dating Rudolph Valentino, who was sometimes called “The Pink Powder Puff,” because 1920s reporters hated the guys that got all the ladies.
3. Maybe your girlfriend is called “America’s Sweetheart.” Mary Pickford was called that, despite being Canadian by birth, because Americans loved her the most.
4. Perhaps your boyfriend has a propensity for action and adventure, and being shirtless in an era where most people didn’t even admit they had chests. Then, you lucky soul, you’re dating Douglas Fairbanks. Don’t tell Mary Pickford, though.
5. Does your girlfriend totally have a secret thing for D.W. Griffith? Lillian Gish totally had a secret thing for and/or with D.W. Griffith. Also, it wasn’t very secret.
6. Your boyfriend is suffering from a crippling morphine addiction, which will end in tragedy. Wallace Reid suffered from a crippling morphine addiction, which ended in tragedy!
7. Your girlfriend is a total diva. She was such a diva, she was the obvious choice to star in Sunset Boulevard decades later.
8. Your boyfriend looks better without a mustache. Everyone looks better without a mustache, but especially John Gilbert, because why did ladies want him hiding part of his face like that?
9. Your girlfriend’s so famous, she doesn’t even need a first name! In your faces, Cher and Madonna: Nazimova went by Nazimova and, damn, did she work it.
10. Your boyfriend is Ramon Novarro, because I ran out of clever things to say. He was too sweet to out-seduce Valentino, and too gay to out-seduce John Gilbert, but nobody cared because he had that face.