Digging too deeply: Spiderman Theme

January 8, 2015 at 10:58 am (I Overanalyze Song Lyrics) (, , )

The important thing to remember about Peter Parker (also known as The Amazing Spiderman) is that one time his Uncle Ben told him, “With great power comes great responsibility,” and also that one time his Uncle Ben got murdered, and it was totally Peter Parker’s fault.

The takeaway here is always trip any criminals who happen to be running past you.

The takeaway here is always trip any criminals who happen to be running past you.

Anyway, without further ado, here’s what the Spiderman Theme really means.

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size.
Catches thieves- just like flies.
Look out! Here comes the Spiderman.

The theme song opens by telling us that Spiderman does whatever a spider can, especially fighting crime, because spiders do that all the time.

Gah! It's a spider! Quick, smash it good!

Gah! It’s a spider! Quick, smash it good!

Is he strong? Listen, bud.
He’s got radioactive blood.
Can he swing, from a thread?
Take a look overhead.
Hey, there! There goes the Spiderman!

The theme song goes on to query, “Is Spiderman strong?” The answer is: “Listen, bud. He’s got radioactive blood.” That’s an interesting way of dodging a simple yes-or-no question, but it tells us more than the lyricist really intends I think: “He’s got radioactive blood.” You know who else has radioactive blood? People who have been exposed to atomic bombs. This includes not only The Incredible Hulk, but also a lot of cancer patients. Which explains why Spiderman can swing from a thread — due to his debilitating illness, he’s obviously not very heavy.

Atomic bombs: ruining jokes since 1946.

Atomic bombs: ruining jokes since 1945.

In the chill of night, at the scene of a crime,
like a streak of light,
he arrives, just in time!

Spiders do that, right? Arrive like streaks of light, just in time?

"Oh, I do. All the time."

“Oh, I do. Constantly.”

Spiderman, Spiderman,
friendly neighborhood Spiderman.
Wealth and fame? He’s ignored.
Action is his reward.
Look out! There goes the Spiderman!

This verse gives us some insight into Spiderman’s psyche: “Wealth and fame? He’s ignored. Action is his reward.” What this is telling us is that Spiderman is an adrenaline junkie.

"I'm SPIDERMAAAAAANNNN!!!!"

“I’m SPIDERMAAAAAANNNN!!!!”

Spiderman, Spiderman,
friendly neighborhood Spiderman.
Wealth and fame? He’s ignored
(He’s Ignored)
Action is his reward.
Look out! (LOOK OUT!)
Here comes the Spiderman!

We got it the first time, Spiderman theme.

Here's a gratuitous photo of JK Simmons, because we love him.

Here’s a gratuitous photo of JK Simmons, because we love him.

In the chill of night, at the scene of a crime,
like a streak of light,
he arrives, just in time!

Does Spidey not fight crime in the heat of the day?

"Nah, that radioactive blood makes it tough to be outdoors in the heat."

“Nah, that radioactive blood makes it tough to be outdoors in the heat.”

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does whatever a spider can.
Spins a web, any size.
Catches thieves- just like flies.
Look out! Here comes the Spiderman.

Look out! It’s Spiderman!

Gah! It's a spiderman! Quick, smash it good!

Gah! It’s a spiderman! Quick, smash it good!

Spiderman, Spiderman,
friendly neighborhood Spiderman.
Wealth and fame? He’s ignored.
Action is his reward.
Look out!
Here comes the Spiderman!!!!!!!!

I want you to know that I didn’t add all those exclamation points; they were in the original lyrics. I think that’s just lovely.

And what we’ve learned about the Spiderman theme today is that it’s a song about a guy who gotten bitten by a radioactive spider and fights crime. So, basically, with the Spiderman theme, what you see is what you get.

... Sometimes I'm ashamed I like comic books.

… Sometimes I’m ashamed I like comic books.

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