The dinosaurs are back in town

June 12, 2015 at 9:48 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , , )

Hold onto your hats, everybody, because there’s a new Jurassic Park movie coming out!

This guy knows the score.

This guy knows the score.

That is so exciting! We needed a new Jurassic Park movie! It’s not like there’s been at least several already made!

But this time they're mutant dinosaurs so it doesn't matter that we've been designing dinosaurs wrong all this time!

But this time they’re mutant dinosaurs so it doesn’t matter that we’ve been designing dinosaurs wrong all this time!

Now that all that phony enthusiasm is out of my system, I’d like to address my most pressing complaint about Jurassic World (other than that why do we need a new Jurassic Park movie, I seriously don’t get it): Chris Pratt as the heir apparent to Harrison Ford.

But not the silent film star Harrison Ford, because that would be silly.

But not the silent film star Harrison Ford, because that would be silly.

I get that he’s cute and charming, I guess, but I can’t tell him apart from the other half-dozen guys who look just like him.

Is this Chris Pratt?

Is this Chris Pratt?

I don't think this is.

I don’t think this is.

Maybe I'm the only one who mixes these guys up all the time?

Maybe I’m the only one who mixes these guys up all the time?

Maybe I need to see a movie that he’s in. Maybe that would help. Can someone tell me what movies he’s in? Because I don’t think I’d recognize him without help.

Eh, maybe I'll just watch the Indiana Jones trilogy again.

Eh, maybe I’ll just watch the Indiana Jones trilogy again.

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8 Comments

  1. Kirren said,

    Wasn’t he in Guardians of the Galaxy?

    • lokifire said,

      Who, Harrison Ford?
      Nah, just kidding. Yes, Bradley Cooper was the voice of the raccoon.

      • Kirren said,

        No, Chris Pratt was in Guardians of the Galaxy too as the token human

      • lokifire said,

        Sorry! I’m just giving you a hard time — I did know he was the token human, but I can guarantee you I wouldn’t recognize him if he passed me on the street.

      • Kirren said,

        Ahh, you should have used the sarcmark for punctuation so I’d get the sarcasm ;ob stupid limitations of text media. I do agree though, he really does nothing for me either

      • lokifire said,

        Yeah, I was taking my joke that I mix him up with Bradley Cooper a bit farther than was necessary, probably.
        Or: NOT FAR ENOUGH!!!!

        Probably the first one, though.

  2. brikhaus said,

    Pretty soon, all of Chris Pratt’s acting gigs will be remakes of his favorite films from childhood (Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, etc.).

    • lokifire said,

      Nice work, if you can get it.
      Unfortunately for me, they’ve already done a The Thing remake, so my dreams of shooting shapeshifting aliens with a flamethrower will come to naught, I suppose.

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