And now I’m torn

June 30, 2015 at 10:00 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , )

I don’t wanna see the new Terminator movie.

And what's this "resetting the future" business? I thought we were "fighting the future," like in Terminator 2, the best one.

And what’s this “resetting the future” business? I thought we were “fighting the future,” like in Terminator 2, the best one.

For many reasons, number one of which is they spelled “Genesis” like that, you know?

Also, John Connor doesn't look like Christian Bale anymore, which is terrible.

Also, John Connor doesn’t look like Christian Bale anymore, which is terrible.

But then it’s like, wait, is that Arnold Schwarzenegger meeting a young Arnold Schwarzenegger? (Finally! We’ve put the technology to good use, because WHAT’S COOLER THAN THAT?!)

Omigod, omigod, this is the best thing ever!

Omigod, omigod, this is the best thing ever!

Wait, what’s that you say? My favorite living actor J.K. Simmons is in the movie? You’re right! That is cooler than two Schwarzeneggers! That’s way cool! It’s the coolest!

Is he playing the president? That would be really cool. If J.K. Simmons ran for president, I would totally vote for him. That would be cool.

Is he playing the president? That would be really cool. If J.K. Simmons ran for president, I would totally vote for him. That would be cool.

Ugh, it’s almost like I want to see this movie now, but I really, really don’t because it’s, like, what? A prequel? An alt-universe story? And that’s totally not Linda Hamilton, and her hair totally doesn’t look ’80s enough. And John Connor is a Terminator now? Wha? I don’t even under — and, wait, did Arnold Schwarzenegger just say “I’ll be back?”

Fine. I'll see you there.

Fine. I’ll see you there.

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