Slimer vs. Lumpy Space Princess

July 3, 2015 at 10:46 am (Fictional Character Battles) (, , , , , )

So there’s going to be two new Ghostbusters movies, which is something, I guess, but why can’t we just be satisfied with the Ghostbusters movie we have (there is only one), and make different funny movies?

“You’re right! We should remake The General!” — Hollywood

Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, because I’ve been thinking about Ghostbusters (because there’s going to be two new Ghostbusters movies, which we totally don’t need), and I realized that Slimer…

This guy here.

This guy here.

…has a lot in common with Adventure Time’s Lumpy Space Princess.

This guy here.

This guy here.

I’m sure I like one of them better than the other, though, and I’m sure you’re all excited to find out who and why.

On to the battle!

Physicality. Slimer is a lumpy, green, legless glob of ectoplasmic goo. Lumpy Space Princess is a lumpy, purple, legless glob of mystery goo. I like purple. Winner? Lumpy Space Princess.

Although I have to admit, she cleans up bad.

Although I have to admit, she cleans up bad.

Has more repulsive eating habits? Slimer is first discovered haunting a hotel, chowing down at a food cart. His manners are atrocious. I mean, food is getting everywhere, he’s making all these awful sounds. It’s disgusting. Lumpy Space Princess (also known as LSP, probably because it’s easier to say and type) ran away from home to become a hobo, living in the woods and sucking baked beans right out of the can and fighting raccoons for pieces of garbage chicken legs. Winner? It’s a tie, you disgusting creatures!

These cheesecakes are adorable, though.

These cheesecakes are adorable, though.

Has better friends? Slimer is a hideous ghost, and no one likes him. LSP is a hideous floating space princess thing, but her best friend is Turtle Princess…

“Hey, Girl.”

… and sometimes she hangs out with some of the other movers and shakers in the Adventure Time universe. Winner? LSP!

Wreaks more havoc? As a hideous ghost, Slimer haunts a hotel and pukes ectoplasm all over my third-favorite ghostbuster, Peter Venkman. The ghostbusters wreck up the place pretty bad trying to contain him, but that’s more on them than Slimer. Lumpy Space Princess nearly turned Jake the Dog into a Lumpy Space Person, accidentally trapped a romantic interest in a pocket of time, terrified a village of very tiny people and ate all their crops, nearly let the Lich back out into the world and pissed off a bunch of wolves one time. Winner? Lumpy Space Princess.

This image of a pug dressed as Lumpy Space Princess came up during an image search, and I couldn't not use it, you know?

This image of a pug dressed as Lumpy Space Princess came up during an image search, and I couldn’t not use it, you know?

More easily defeated? Sure, it took the ghostbusters a while to capture Slimer, but to be fair, it was their first ghostbusting job, and they were unfamiliar with the equipment. Lumpy Space Princess, on the other hand, runs rampant throughout the Land of Ooo to this very day. Winner? Slimer.

Ray, you know I love you, but work on that aim, okay?

Ray, you know I love you, but work on that aim, okay?

Overall winner? Lumpy Space Princess, because they’d better not remake Adventure Time. That would be terrible.

“Eh, we’ll at least wait until it’s done airing.” — Hollywood

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2 Comments

  1. brikhaus said,

    I love how they announced an all-female Ghostbusters movie, like, 3 months ago (my memory is fuzzy), and suddenly it’s in production. With that kind of turn around do they even have a script? There’s no way in hell it won’t be terrible. Plus, Melissa McCarthy’s husband is directing it, and just about everything he’s done has been terrible.

    Also, we don’t need the other, what, all-male Ghostbusters movie either. It’s too many Ghostbusters. The first is all we need. It’s an 80s classic, and it should remain there.

    • lokifire said,

      Exactly! One Ghostbusters movie is enough (and there is only one, so we have just the right amount of Ghostbusters movies). I wish Hollywood would try to do new movies.
      It made sense back in the dawn of the movie era to do remakes because there was no such thing as Netflix, or even DVDs or VHS, or television! So if you missed a movie when it was released, you missed it. But now that we can revisit our favorites whenever we like, it seems silly not to tell new stories instead!

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