A love letter to Jareth, the Goblin King

February 4, 2016 at 12:07 pm (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , , )

Dear Jareth, the Goblin King,

You are exactly what I always imagined a goblin king would be like. Tall, crazy-eyed and beautiful. You are, in short, my perfect goblin king.

I also admire your eclectic taste in hairstyles.

I also admire your eclectic taste in hairstyles.

I love you.

If you kidnapped my baby half-brother and said you were going to turn him into a goblin, I’d be all: “OK, sure, fine, but when do we get to the enchanted ball and the dancing?”

"I hope it's soon!"

“I hope it’s soon!”

If you forced me into a labyrinth with tons of Muppets and swamps of eternal stench, I’d be like: “Look, I’m only going through this labyrinth to get to the castle of Jareth, the Goblin King, because I love him.”

"Although a map would help. Seriously."

“Although a map would help. Seriously.”

If you wanted to sing me songs about how you’re only doing this for me, I’d be all: “…” because I’d be too busy listening to you sing to talk. Unless some of those damn Muppets started yammering on, and then I’d be like: “Shut up, you! The Goblin King is singing.”

"Seriously, you damn Muppets. I will cut you."

“Seriously, you damn Muppets. I will cut you.”

If you wanted me to look like Jennifer Connelly, I’d be all: “Just rub the camera lens with some Vaseline or whatever, and you’ll never be able to tell the difference.”

Pictured here: My long-lost twin.

Pictured here: My long-lost twin.

Anyway, Jareth, the Goblin King, I just want you to know that I love you, and I will always love you, and the world is a colder, darker place without a David Bowie in it.

It's been hard to process your loss, Rock God I Didn't Know Personally.

It’s been hard to process your loss, Rock God I Didn’t Know Personally. I’ll miss you.

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2 Comments

  1. brikhaus said,

    If you wanted me to look like Jennifer Connelly, I’d be all: “Just rub the camera lens with some Vaseline or whatever, and you’ll never be able to tell the difference.”

    LMAO!

    • lokifire said,

      Thanks!
      Fortunately, it’s true! With the miracle of Vaseline, we can ALL be as beautiful as Jennifer Connelly.

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