So you think you’re dating a Jedi Master: A modern teen’s guide

February 8, 2016 at 2:35 pm (Top Ten) (, , , , , , , , , , )

Lately, you’ve been seeing someone. He’s pretty spiritual, talking about this “Force” that flows through all living things. He even claims to be a master of this “Force.”

You know what that means! You’re dating a Jedi Master, probably.

Here’s a handy guide to make certain your boyfriend is a really, truly legit Jedi Master.

You’re welcome.

1. Your boyfriend has a shag haircut and once kissed his twin sister. Congratulations! You’re dating Young Luke Skywalker! He is truly a Jedi master.

He's no Han Solo, though.

He’s no Han Solo, though.

2. Your boyfriend is a loner who hangs out in swamps and talks backwardly. Good news, everyone! You’re dating Yoda, a Jedi master among Jedi masters.

"Double-dutch at the movies, we will."

“Double-dutch at the movies, we will.”

3. Your boyfriend belongs to the church of Jediism. The bad news for you is he’s not a Jedi master. The good news is you can tell your mother he attends church regularly.

"Oh, Mom, they've been passing out lightsabers at OUR church too."

“Oh, Mom, they’ve been passing out lightsabers at OUR church too.”

4. Your boyfriend wears a hooded robe and is a hermit. Hey, good for you! You’re dating Obi-Wan Kenobi!

I was going to make a "These are not the droids you're looking for" joke here, but then I realized it wouldn't work with the whole "dating a Jedi" theme, and then I ended up with my longest photo caption ever.

I was going to make a “These are not the droids you are looking for” joke here, but then I realized it wouldn’t work with the whole “dating a Jedi” theme, and then I ended up with my longest photo caption ever.

5. Your boyfriend wears a hooded robe and is a hermit. Or you’re dating Old Luke Skywalker.

"Jeez, lady, I'm not THAT old."

“Jeez, lady, I’m not THAT old.”

6. Your boyfriend force-chokes his stupid enemies, and looks good in black. Technically, your boyfriend is a Sith Lord, but I’m going to call it close enough. You’re dating Darth Vader!

"(Insert Your Name Here), I am your boyfriend."

“(Insert Your Name Here), I am your boyfriend.”

7. Your boyfriend looks like Samuel L. Jackson. Excellent! You’re dating the Jedi that Samuel L. Jackson played in those movies that don’t exist.

Oooh! Snazzy purple lightsaber!

Oooh! Snazzy purple lightsaber!

8. Your boyfriend is a whiny baby who throws temper tantrums and is a dirty patricide. Spoiler alert! You’re dating Kylo Ren.

Stupid Kylo Ren. Just so stupid. Hate you.

Stupid Kylo Ren. Just so stupid. Hate you.

9. Your boyfriend would turn the galaxy upside down if someone kidnapped his daughter. Yea! You’re dating either Qui-Gon Jinn or Liam Neeson in Taken (and Taken 2).

"Even I can't tell the difference anymore."

“Even I can’t tell the difference anymore.”

10. Your boyfriend is a pretty lady. Holy Mary Sues, Batman! You’re dating Rey, who is a super-powerful Jedi despite having neither training nor any knowledge of the Force prior to it awakening within her!

Your boyfriend is really pretty.

Your boyfriend is really pretty.

So there you have it! You’re definitely dating one of the guys who goes to a Jedi Church, because the rest of them are made up.

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2 Comments

  1. brikhaus said,

    11) Your boyfriend is super old and likes to electrocute people. Congratulations! You’re dating Emperor Palpatine. It’s good to be close to the throne. Just don’t make him mad.

    • lokifire said,

      Aw, man, I forgot he was a Jedi. I guess those lightning bolts had to come from SOMEWHERE.

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