So you think you’re dating a princess: A modern teen’s guide

March 23, 2016 at 10:56 am (Top Ten) (, , , , , , , , , , , , )

Real princesses are boring, unless you’re into the monarchy, I guess. But fictional princesses are awesome! Especially Adventure Time princesses, because they have princesses for everything! Anyway, you might be dating a fictional princess! Let’s find out, shall we?

Here’s a list of princesses you could possibly be dating:

1. Princess Leia. Princess Leia is the best princess of all, because she is an outer space princess. Unfortunately for you, unless you’re Han Solo, you’re not dating her.

*Sighhhhhhhh*

*Sighhhhhhhh*

2. Princess Bubblegum. Princess Bubblegum is pretty cool, if you’re into despots and whatever. Also 1000-year-old ladies.

"You only WISH you'll look this good when YOU'RE 1000 years old."

“You only WISH you’ll look this good when YOU’RE 1000 years old.”

3. Lumpy Space Princess. The best thing about Lumpy Space Princess is that she floats, and is purple. The worst thing about Lumpy Space Princess is everything else, but especially her terrible, terrible personality.

She's like everything you hate about teenagers, with floating and purpleness.

She’s like everything you hate about teenagers, with floating and purpleness.

4. Snow White. If you woke your princess with a kiss after espying her sleeping in a glass coffin, Snow White’s your girl.

"My interests are cleaning, singing about true love, being cheerful in the face of adversity and being as two-dimensional as possible."

“My interests are cleaning, singing about true love, being cheerful in the face of adversity and being as two-dimensional as possible.”

5. Sleeping Beauty. If you woke your princess with a kiss after espying her sleeping in a castle surrounded by thorns (which I’m not quite sure how you managed to do), then you’re dating Sleeping Beauty.

Also, stop kissing unconscious women, you creep.

Also, stop kissing unconscious women, you creep.

6. Muscle Princess. Muscle Princess is very muscular. That’s cool.

And check out those guns!

And check out those guns!

7. Cinderella. Cinderella seems like a nice girl. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.

... although I'm not sure what you'd do for fun or anything.

… although I’m not sure what you’d do for fun or anything.

8. Breakfast Princess. Breakfast Princess (I assume) lives in the Breakfast Kingdom, where you shall never have to eat another bowl of cold, soggy cereal again. As God is my witness!

I'll bet she smells like bacon and French toast, and I wonder if she's seeing anyone....

I’ll bet she smells like bacon and French toast, and I wonder if she’s seeing anyone….

9. Slime Princess. Slime Princess is a princess of slime. There’s really not much else to say about her.

OK, fine, and she is superfreakingadorablesocute, awwww.

OK, fine, and she is superfreakingadorablesocute, awwww.

10. Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman is an Amazon Princess! She might actually be cooler than Princess Leia, except she doesn’t have a laser gun. But she doesn’t need a laser gun, because she has super powers! But laser guns are really cool.

Ooh, but swords are cool too. Wonder Woman is so cool.

Ooh, but swords are cool too. Wonder Woman is so cool.

Anyway, there you have it! A list of fictional princesses you could be dating, maybe! I hope you crazy kids work it out.

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6 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    I’ve actually found Prubbs more attractive the more I learn how despotic she is. I think I have a weakness for women who are kinda ruthless and jerky, especially if they’re also brilliant. Well… probably only if they’re brilliant. Otherwise I might be attracted to Sarah Palin, and I’m totally not.

    • lokifire said,

      *Arches eyebrows*
      *Nods knowingly*
      Mmm-hmm.

      • Jamin said,

        Youthinks me doth protest too much? (Seriously, though, ewww.)

      • lokifire said,

        Heh! I kid, I kid!
        … Although she’s a judge now. Rowrrr!

  2. brikhaus said,

    Wonder Woman and I are very happy, thanks! đŸ™‚

    • lokifire said,

      Well, as long as you’re not dating my Breakfast Princess, with her delicious-smelling bacon hair….

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