Ugh, could Batman v Superman look any more boring?

March 25, 2016 at 10:09 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , , , )

The thing about the new Superman movie is it looks just DULL. Like SO BORING. Like I literally find myself nodding off during the 30-second TV spots because YAWN.

I mean, look! Batman's even falling asleep in his own movie poster.

I mean, look! Batman’s even falling asleep in his own movie poster.

I don’t blame the actors for this (although both Affleck and Cavill come off a little wooden). I’m not sure I even blame Zack Snyder (although he really does beat a dead horse, stylistically). I kind of blame the studio (because Nolan’s Dark Knight movies were successful, so they’re like: “Dark! Darker! The Darkest!”). But mostly, I blame us. Because some of us went to see Man of Steel, even though it looked like poo and Superman was a big whiny baby, “boo-hoo, I am like a god to you people, it’s so HARD to fit in,” and he murdered civilians and Zod (but who cares if Zod isn’t Terence Stamp, you know?).

I love you, General Zod! I'd kneel before you any time you asked. Or commanded. Whichever.

I love you, General Zod! I’d kneel before you any time you asked. Or commanded. Whichever.

I blame you people. You people, of whom there were enough who watched Man of Steel that they went ahead and made a sequel.

Why did so many of you watch a movie where Superman spends the whole time looking like he's suffering a major gastrointestinal disorder?

Why did so many of you watch a movie where Superman spends the whole time looking like he’s suffering a major gastrointestinal disorder?

I hope you’ve learned your lesson.

Nah, I'm kidding. If this does poorly, the studio'll assume it's 'cause Wonder Woman's in it.

Nah, I’m kidding. If this does poorly, the studio’ll assume it’s ’cause Wonder Woman’s in it.

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3 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    I am very proud to say I never watched Man of Steel, and don’t plan on watching this pile of garbage, either. Though part of me *snicker* wants to see it because of the new Wonder Woman. She’s puuurty.

    • lokifire said,

      I AM SO HAPPY YOU MADE THE OBVIOUS JOKE SO I DIDN’T HAVE TO.

      • Jamin said,

        Yeah, sometimes the joke’s so obvious you can’t even let yourself slide.

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