The number one thing telemarketers shouldn’t say

June 10, 2016 at 3:10 pm (Stuff that Bugs Me Right Now)

Part of my job is answering phones, which sucks, because I get a lot of calls from telemarketers. Most of them are jerks and I hang up on them. Some of the jerks call back and insult me for hanging up on them. The most recent jerk called back to insult me for hanging up on him and opened with:

“Don’t get your panties wet.”

1) Shut up, pervert.

2) Learn your insults. I’m pretty sure you meant “Don’t get your panties in a bundle.”

3) I hope you enjoyed listening to me tell you how you are a disgusting horrible pervert who should be fired and why won’t you let me talk to your manager, you sick freak, and never call here again, ever.

"Look, lady, all I wanted to do was imply that the sound of my voice got you hot, so I don't see why you're asking for my boss."

“Look, lady, all I wanted to do was imply that the sound of my voice got you hot, so I don’t see why you’re asking for my boss or saying that I should be castrated. Jesus.”




  1. Jamin said,

    Ughhh… Have I ever told you our horror stories with telemarketers? A couple years ago, we had a rash of incredibly aggressive/rude telemarketers. They’d always start off by being extremely evasive “I need to talk to Bill (the owner),” and refusing to tell us what the call was about. We’re a small company, and Bill gets approximately 0 calls from people or companies we don’t know (and takes even fewer). So if we don’t know who they are, there’s a 99.9999999999% chance they’re selling something. If we pressed them on the “can I tell him the nature of this call” (usually after they’d give us some obvious BS about “returning his call”), they’d get rude and start insulting us. Eventually we figured out that most, if not all, of those calls were coming from a single collection agency by the name of Tucker Albin Associates (or something like that), and they were trying to earn our business. I still, to this day, can’t figure out how they figured that lying and being rude was a good way to earn our business. On top of that, my aunt used to work as a collections professional, and she informed me that a collection agency in Texas cannot legally work in Montana, anyway, so that makes it doubly baffling.

    Anyway, screw rude/evasive telemarketers. I realize telemarketing is a thankless job, and I try to be courteous (even if I sometimes have to be firm, if they refuse to take “no” for an answer), but if they lie or insult me, I can get nasty.

    I’m glad you told this jackass off, and I’m sorry you had to deal with his inappropriateness in the first place :/

    • Jamin said,

      • lokifire said,


    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, I really can’t stand telemarketers. I’m sure it’s a tough job, but every single one that calls me at work gets nasty when I offer to take a message. I had one guy accuse me of lying when I said the owner wasn’t in (the owner is rarely in), and when I hung up on him, he called back a dozen times and made fake baby-crying noises at me. What the hell is wrong with them?

  2. brikhaus said,

    I never answer an unknown number any more. If it isn’t a telemarketer, they’ll leave a message. What a disgusting bunch of scumbags. It’s one thing to HAVE to work a thankless dead-end job, it’s something else entirely to be a dick about it to your “customers.”

    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, we don’t have caller ID at my work, so I have to answer the phone every time it rings, even when my “creepy telemarketer” spidey sense is going off.
      We don’t have voicemail either!

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