Suicide Squad seems soundly sucktacular

August 5, 2016 at 10:09 am (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , , , , , )

But at least I got to go sibilance-mad in my post title, so that’s something!

I mean, I’m kind of afraid to say it looks terrible, because the fanboys are so mad at critics who have actually seen it and are like, “Yeah, it is terrible,” but, you guys, it looks just SO TERRIBLE.

I mean, even the poster is a mess.

I mean, even the poster is a mess.

(Not Will Smith, though. Will Smith looks really good.)

(Although I recently read that they’re using CGI to make actors look younger than they are, so it might just be magic, I don’t know.)

Every time I saw a trailer, I was like: "Is that Will Smith? No, it can't be Will Smith, because Will Smith is, like, old now, right?"

Every time I saw a trailer, I was like: “Is that Will Smith? No, it can’t be Will Smith, because Will Smith is, like, old now, right?”

I mean, it looks like it’s everything it’s advertised to be. Harley Quinn is, like murderous and sexy (I guess? Margot Robbie does nothing for me, but, hey, to each their own). Killer Croc is all mutated, Deadshot is Will Smith, the Joker seems like a real jackass (or is it that Jared Leto seems like a real jackass?), Katana seems quiet and head-choppy, and then there’s the other ones.

We'll call them "Skull Face Tattoo Guy," "Mr. Upturned Coat Collar" and "Guy Who Probably Gets Killed First."

We’ll call them “Skull Face Tattoo Guy,” “Mr. Upturned Coat Collar” and “Guy Who Probably Gets Killed First.”

(Look, I really don’t care about the other ones.)

(Actually, I don’t care about any of these ones, because my all-time favorite Batman villain is and always shall be Two-Face!)

And if I wasn't at work, I'd drop everything and go reread Arkham Asylum.

And if I wasn’t at work, I’d drop everything and go reread Arkham Asylum.

But everything it’s advertised to be is … well, for 12-year-old boys. And as terrible as my sense of humor is, I am not a literal 12-year-old boy.

So, you guys, this movie looks, like, so terrible.

Seriously, the posters aren't even trying.

Seriously, the posters aren’t even trying.

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5 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    Yeah, of all the DC properties I should have been excited about, this one is at the top of the heap. But I’ve honestly had zero interest since almost the very beginning of the promotion for it, because it’s looked like utter garbage the whole time. It’s so perfectly “uninteresting teenage boy trying to be edgy,” it just makes me shudder.

    • lokifire said,

      Oooh, “uninteresting teenage boy trying to be edgy” sounds like the perfect description of this movie!

      • Jamin said,

        Why, thank you!

  2. Jamin said,

    Thought you might enjoy this: one of my favorite webcomics (http://chainsawsuit.com/2016/08/08/saw-it-for-you-suicide-squad-2016/#disqus_thread) has a “Saw It For You” feature. “Suicide Squad is the first movie to give a clothing store (Hot Topic) a screenwriting credit.” That line’s a thing of beauty, it is.

    • lokifire said,

      Ha! That was good.

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