Oh, Ryan Lochte.
Oh, Ryan Lochte, oh, Ryan Lochte.
You are just so stupid.
I mean, I always knew you were the stupidest Olympic swimmer of our generation, and that you tended to be a frat boy type, and that your hair looks really terrible blonde.
But I never thought you would lie about getting mugged in Rio to cover up your own vandalism.
For all that’s good in this world, Ryan Lochte, you stupid, stupid man, you are 32 years old. Shouldn’t you know better by now?