The greatest story ever told?

August 19, 2016 at 1:26 pm (The Movie I'm not Seeing this Weekend) (, , , , )

Welp, there’s a new Ben-Hur movie. Like, what was wrong with the best one?

I know you thought I meant this one ...

I know you thought I meant this one …

... but clearly I'm referencing the silent classic starring Ramon Novarro!

… but clearly I’m referencing the silent classic starring Ramon Novarro!

Anyway, Morgan Freeman seems to be reprising his role from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, a movie I have now shamefully admitted that I have seen, wherein he plays the coolest character, but one who is far too black to be the main character.

Sorry, scratch that. Second coolest character. Rest in peace, Alan Rickman, you magnificent bastard.

Sorry, scratch that. Second coolest character.
Rest in peace, Alan Rickman, you magnificent bastard.

Also, the chariot race scene is soooo fake! Like, why not endanger some extras, huh? It’s not like they’re making enough money they can afford good lawyers for suing you! Why is it all CGI? Why is it all such obvious CGI?

"Because it's cheaper than using real actors, duh."

“Because it’s cheaper than using real actors, duh.”

At least it doesn’t look as terrible as War Dogs, I guess.

And I know you thought I was joking earlier, but Ramon Novarro is just, like, so great.

And I know you thought I was joking earlier, but Ramon Novarro is just, like, so great.

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1 Comment

  1. Jamin said,

    Man, I’d completely forgotten that Alan Rickman was the Sheriff of Nottingham in Prince of Thieves. Stupid 2016, murdering all the best actors and musicians đŸ˜¦

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