A love letter to Sterling Archer

September 28, 2016 at 9:24 am (I Propose to Fictional Characters) (, , , , )

Dear Archer:

You are the best spy/private detective in the world, and I love you.

Tigers are pretty cool, too.

Tigers are pretty cool, too.

I love your fashion sense, your overconfidence, your ability to improvise, and the sound of your voice.

Call me, H. Jon Benjamin! You know, literally. So I can listen to your voice.

Call me, H. Jon Benjamin!
You know, literally.
So I can listen to your voice.

Of all the spies in the world, Archer, you’re my favorite, and I love you, and I really, really hope that you didn’t spoiler alert for those who haven’t seen the last season.

Anyway, Archer, provided spoiler alert didn’t happen, I want you to know: I just want you to be happy. Which is why I’m here, today, to tell you that your perfect girl is not Lana Kane, but rather Pam Poovey.

Not that I blame you, because Lana is totally bangin'.

Not that I blame you, because Lana is totally bangin’.

Yes, Archer. Pam. Pam is your perfect girl. You guys have the same terrible sense of humor, the same lack of self-preservation, the same addictive personalities.

And you are so damn cute together.

Look how cute, you guys, ogling strippers together! So cute!

Look how cute, you guys, ogling strippers together! So cute!

You see, Archer, this is where I usually make my case for myself being the perfect girl for whichever fictional character I love the most right now, but my love for you is so unselfish that I want you to be with Pam.

Now shut up and start dating Pam.

You know, providing ….

*Sob!*

*Sob!*

 

Advertisements

3 Comments

  1. Jamin said,

    I agree, Archer and Pam are amazing together. But I also agree that no one can blame him for being hung up on Lana. I mean, daaaaamn.

    • lokifire said,

      Yeah, Lana’s pretty awesome. And gorgeous. And cool.
      But PAM AND ARCHER FOREVAH!!!!

      • Jamin said,

        Their couple name could be “Parcher”! Because couple names aren’t the worst thing ever…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: